Strange Memory...

The other day I was hanging with my friends, and we were talking about something I don't recall, but out of nowhere - maybe because somebody said something which triggered this - a flash of a memory came through my head. I just remember pieces of this. I remember I was playing videogames with my cousin, which was (and still is) 10 years older than me. I don't really know how old was I, but I think about 5 years old (maybe more or less one year, I guess) because I have the image of this old tv in front of me in the room where I slept with my brother (and I slept in the same room as my brother only until a certain age, then I got a room of my own). Which means my cousin would be around 15 years old. Anyway, I don't really remember how it happened, or how he led me to do it, I just remember him putting my hand inside his pants, and I remember touching his thing. I just remember the feeling of touching something big. It didn't feel good or bad, it was just very strange to me. I remember other pieces of this event, like someone passing by the door and suddenly my hand would be taken off his pants. In addition, I think I remember - and I don't know this for sure, or if it's my memory playing tricks on me - him putting his hand inside my pants and touching *my* thing, but I don't know... I have this idea it was something about "I touch you, then you touch me" kind of thing, but this may be wrong, it's all very unclear in my mind. But I know for sure I touched him...

Anyway, this memory kind of came out of nowhere. My situation now? I grew up normally, even though I went through some really hard times in my adolescence because I am gay and I didn't come out until I was 20 years old, which almost brought me to commit suicide. In any case, I overcame all that, and now I am a 24 year old guy, finishing university, happily living with my boyfriend. My cousin? He's 34 now, he married his wife and has two kids right now. I never felt any kind of resentment towards him - we ended up seeing each other like 5 times a year, at my grandmother's, and for all I know, he seemed and seems a cool guy (but then again - I didn't remember anything until now).

I know there are really dark stories in this group (I didn't even want to put my story here, but I couldn't find any other suitable group), and posting my story here might even come as an insult to all of you - to which I apologize, and I just want to tell you that my heart is with you. But I just have some doubts now, you know... I now don't know if I was abused more times as a child, because my brain may have removed that memory. And I don't know what kind of consquences this situation has had over my life, and I don't really know if it actually matters now, because I am really happy with my life right now. What about my cousin? Does this mean he is a potential ped******, or was he just a horny 15 year old at the height of his puberty? It's all very confusing... If someone has some answers, please tell me...
pcdsamp pcdsamp
22-25, M
Jan 17, 2013