When I was about 6 or 7 the abuse started. My mom married very young (18,dad was 30) & had my bro & me. She worked very hard & a lot just to cover most of the expenses. My dad worked freelance & at home as a car mechanic. He drank a lot & smoked weed, maybe more but I can't remember. This one night when my mom was working & my dad was drinking & smoking with friends, it started. One of his regular friends went into my room. My older bro was fast asleep & I was still watching TV. I want to say it was about 9. He came to me with a smile & asked softly "wanna go with me somewhere to play?". I being as young as I was simply agreed & let him take my hand & led me out of the room. We passed the living room where my dad was with his buds through the kitchen & went outside. We were going to the back of the apartment complex where my dad kept the cars he was working on. He opened the back doors to an ice cream van. He pulled me in,was smiling & placed me on his lap. He was randomly talking about something as he was touching my legs & neck. Then he went in for a kiss on my mouth. I pushed away quickly because I could taste the alcohol on his lips & tongue. He did it again but held my head in place, I had no choice but to let him. After 5 mins or so he placed me down sitting towards him. He started undoing his pants & removed both his pants & underwear to his ankles. I remember being pretty surprised on how big his penis was & how hard it was. At the time I never knew they could ever be bigger than my own. After he was done with himself, he placed me on my stomach on top of cardboard. Slowly slipped both my pants & underwear to my knees. I wasn't scared or happy at this point. I honestly was confused & curious to what was happening. After he positioned himself behind me until he was on top of me. He put his hand over my mouth, I heard him spit repeatedly. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my anus & reacted with a painful moan as my eyes watered up. He pushed in & out while I was struggling with this weird pain I'd never experienced. After a while he broke away from me & did something to make white stuff come out of his penis. At this point I was pretty confused & kept thinking what had just happened. He got me dressed up & himself too. As we were getting out of the van there stood my father about 10 ft away. I wasn't crying but had watery eyes. I looked to him to make sense of what just happened. I remember looking at him & he looked not sober. He grabbed my hand, told his friend something, they laughed & we started walking back to the apartment. Before I knew it I was in bed & my dad didn't react or say anything to what he just saw. After that, that one friend kept doing things with me every chance he got. While my mom was at work my dad would hang with his friends & that one guy would always pull me aside so he could have his "fun" with me. He didn't always sodomize me but would do inappropriate things. Like make out with me or make me suck & lick his penis as he did the same. Sometimes my dad would be so wasted that his friend would simply just take me to the bathroom to have his way with me. This went on for about 3-5 months until my mom & dad ended. I didn't have any idea that what was going on between this man & me was bad or good. Until this one time when my mom had her own place with my bro n me. She was letting my step brother crash for a while until he got his own place. This one night I left my bed & went to the living room because I wanted to play a game I would always play with my abuser. I found my step brother, removed the blanket & pulled down his sweatpants. As I was playing with his penis, he woke up quickly & reacted very negatively to what I was doing. That's when I knew it was bad. All those odd games were bad. I was 8 when this happened. I remember feeling dumb & very dirty because of the other stuff my abuser did & tricked me in to doing. He always said "this is our secret game & no one can ever know". I now knew why. I always wondered why my dad never did anything. Almost like he didn't care. It messed with my head so much, on top of everything else. Now I'm 30 going on 31. I've never had any relationship with my father. My family thinks it's because I'm some monster or something. My dad really didn't come back in our lives til I was about 15 anyways. I've only told certain close friends about this & doctors,never any family. I'm slowly starting to seek help because through my online research I realize I have long term side affects from my sexual abuse. Mainly self destructive & depressed. I am a gay man & have been told repeatedly by doctors that my sexuality has nothing to do with my past. Not sure when I'm going to tell my family. But I know it has to be soon.
b4uslip25 b4uslip25
31-35, M
Aug 26, 2014