My Life Was Ruined By The Very People That Were Supposed To Protect It.

I'm not sure how young I was when it all started. My birth parents were heavy drug users. I remember some of the horrid details but most of it is hidden deep in my brain. I guess to protect itself. My birth father did most of the abuse. It seemed like my birth mother just let it happen, but in the eyes of a child mother is god. I did not hate her for it. I was taken away by DCFS when I was 4 and placed in very abusive foster homes. Now I am so f***** up I am going to have to get shock treatments because my depression is so severe nothing helps. Now I have a very hard time having a close relationship with my adoptive dad because I have always felt that in some way I must have given my birth father reason to think I wanted him to stick his **** in me. I don't want my dad to think I want to f*** him. From the day I was finally rescued I was told that none of the abuse was my fault but I never believed them. Now I hate myself and I think I am a piece of s***.
Sherbear83 Sherbear83
26-30, F
4 Responses May 17, 2012

I've been there too and found a few ways to deal with it msg me if ur intersted in talkn about it

I as well am so ****** up by the one who was supposed to protect me.<br />
I had a very abusive and drunken piece of **** of a 'dad'<br />
I don't want to bore you or anyone with details and show the world what a loser of love that I am. I mean love from someone else, I have so much inside me that its just bursting out and girls can just sense my frustration and run away and the frustration just grows more, like a dog chasing its tail.<br />
I dont want to go to hookers to realise this sexual tension but if I don't I will die and that can be very soon.<br />
I want to...who cares what I want.

Its not ur fault babe u get strong an find a way. Find ur inner happy find wat makes u smile music films dance gym try an stay clear of alcohol an drugs an keep positive babe don't let them make u a victim. Y don't u try a support group I think it may help u as u obviously need counciling to help with ur self worth to build yourself up it may take time but its worth it in the end take care b strong

i'm so sorry to hear that. glad that you've made through it. you're not a piece of ****. society are. you're a piece of flesh. act normal. ur adoptive father wont think badly about you. sometimes the things around us just didn't make sense at all. seek help from the authorities if something bad happens or from closest relatives. :))