My Silent PainWhen I was two, my parents got a divorce. I was a REALLY big daddy’s girl, and when I was with him, it was the time of my life.
He hurt me more than he’ll ever know
I remember the first time as if it was just happening. I was seven. I was spending the night at my dad’s house since it was his weekend, and although I knew he had to go to work the next day, I still wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.
We were on the way to his house, and debating what movie we were going to watch when we got home. We were down to action or comedy when he asked out of the blue if I wanted to watch an adult movie. Not knowing what it was, and wanting to try something new, I said yes.
When we got to his house, we both got into our pajamas and he grabbed the movie out of his room. I thought that was odd, since all our movies were out in the living room and I had never seen any in his room.
He put in the disk, sat down beside me, and started the movie.
It was ****.
I don’t remember if I asked what we were watching, and if I did, I don’t know what he said. I remember starting to feel all tingly down there as I stared at the screen. I felt a hand on my thigh, moving back and forth, but it felt like a dream, I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV as I watched the couple doing it.
My dad knelt down between my legs and took off my underwear, started touching me, and then he *** me out (I didn’t know what it was then, but since then, I do). It felt good, I had never experienced what I was then. My legs started to sake, and I told him I had to pee. He said it was fine, it was normal. I still had to pee though, and finally, he let me go.
He turned off the movie as I was peeing and then I went into my sister’s room (She wasn’t there and she had a TV in her room).
I cried that night.
From that point on, I was sexually abused. It started out as heavy petting, other things and turned into full ***. He would ask me if I liked it, and since I liked the feelings that I was having, I would say yes, even though I knew it was wrong and felt dirty. I still loved my dad, and he would always tell me not to tell, because if I did, he would get in trouble and I wouldn’t see him again.
I learned a few tricks on how to make the rape shorter as I got older. I would swallow chocolate syrup since I knew that helped girls *** faster, and we were always done when I ****.
Since I’m barley able to write anymore, I’ll try to hurry. At the age of thirteen, my dad left a hicky on my neck, and when my mom went to put up my hair, she found it. Trying to keep my promise to my dad, I said a boy gave it to me, but since I was so upset about knowing it was there, my mom knew I was lying. I told her.
My dad got ten to twenty years.
I’ve changed from a happy little girl, to who I am now.
I don’t know who I am
MySecret17 18-21, F 7 Responses 6 Mar 9, 2012