What He Did

do you know how it is to be cuffed to a bed for hours not being able to move or get away?

or being sliced here and there bc the pain from that masks the pain of the savage beast on you
I have a scar on the back of my neck from the monster because he cut me there with his knife during the abuse.

being forced to have sex with guys so he gets more money

or being tied down for a weekend and being raped and beaten over and over again wiht no food

or how bout when u r sick no doctors and u can barely walk and stand and yet u still are being raped and tortured

i went days sometimes with no food i learned it; he kept me thin. he made me ***** naked and weigh me and the perfect weight for him got it less horrible

or being tied to a bed and being lashed with a belt or a ****** whip and having them laugh at you because the pain is too great and you scream

being forced to have sex with your own older brothers and made to enjoy it and then being told to skrew like that

he wouldn't feed me for days at a time

any money i got from working went to him

i had nothing

the car i got i sold my self for it. he got lots of money for me doing it, i got the car

i've been beaten and scared

starved and almost killed

raped brutally and sometimes by 5-6 guys at a one time each taking turns or ganging up on me while he watched and laughed

he used to kill my pets i know it

i had a swastika burned into my arm beaten that night as well because i refused to comply to his request for sex with me

i lied for him

i had no restfull sleep, i couldn't sleep because i never knew who'd be coming in

didn't matter

ya know the one time it didn't stop for over 24 hours. i was lucky i didn't die then

i had no food for week and it was summer no one missed me

tied to his bed and not being able to leave

it was HELL

i hate being undressed

i never had the choice

always had to be naked

and if i had the clothes on they were ripped off me or cut off me

it didn't matter

we, my older brothers and i, were forced to skrew each other together

i liked it most times for they were gentle once they were gone from the house then it wasn't gentle

i don't remember how many times i had to perform for the cameras our father had there on certain nights

i hated it and i didn't fight back and why would i have. He installed cameras in our bedroom to watch us having sex together as he forced us to do night after night. once my older brothers were gone he'd force me to watch the videos and then rape me instructing me to do what i saw.

and yes my step mom had sex with me like 8-12 times forced bc jeremy, my middle brother, and her were having sex, it was punishment for him doing that, i paid the price for him yet i didn't hold it on him and yet he can freigen blame me when he had no idea what i went through when he and matt were gone

being naked and tied down was worse for me than doing what i did to have to survive.

it's a rough road ahead of me. I have a 5yr old son from this ordeal i described above and i love him dearly.. I have 1 child on the way from another assault on me from me being drugged by a so called friend and then her raping me. YES men can get raped as well. I love both my children and haven custody of each child. I will gain custody of the one on the way once she has the baby and her rites to the baby will be fully terminated. I am 19yr old. I am fighting my way to heal everyday. It a tough road but well worth it in the end. Out of hatred and sickness i have two beautiful children and a life ahead of me of joy and happiness
woundeddragon woundeddragon
18-21, M
4 Responses May 15, 2012

I am so, so, so sorry

I am so sorry. Nobody deserves this. I have been sexually abused, but I've never had a kid from it. I hope things get better and stay strong. You sound like a great father who is going to stick by his children no matter what.

I prey u get stronger and raise ur children and protect them from this cruel world and keep ur eyes on the beauty starting now with ur new child and ur son and stay on the path god has given u.

I admire your courage to write this. I could not describe my abuse with this much detail. You inspire me to be strong. like you said "Out of hatred and sickness i have two beautiful children and a life ahead of me of joy and happiness" Out of hatred and sickness i have gained an ability to help people, people like us. I help teenagers in a support group and that helps me. Thank you for posting this i know it was not easy