Just A Little Whatever

I haven't written for awhile because I've been tired. I need to get the hell out of my state. I can't live here anymore. I'm emotionally drained and lonely. Disability is a double-edged sword. I have written almost 48,000 words of a new book. That's my job now. I sometimes wish I could die, or have someone kill me. I believe when I pray I'm just praying to myself. I have a sad, hard, painful life and that hasn't ******* changed for 17 years. ****** is draining. Trauma in the past triggered in the present. I'm ******* sick of it all. And I hate people who write books like Augusten Burroughs who have no ******* clue what ptsd is like and tell you just to let go of the past. I'd like to do that, AB baby, if it wouldn't keep rearing its ugly head in the present. People will say anything these days to make a name for themselves and a buck.

I'm a tough woman and I have a harsh and brutal side b/c I've had a harsh and brutal life. I could say screw you to my abuser, but God will likely take care of him. Or, will he? I don't believe in Christianity anymore either. I believe in Christ, but not in religion. Religion is way too ****** up in my humble opinion.

After the Silence is a good message board if you need more support for your sexual abuse issues. My anger is real. I'm going to feel it. Secret Survivors by E. Sue Blume is another book I recommend.

I am ******* sick of the world, and that's all I can say today.
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Dec 12, 2012