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Only Once

It was done only once
I never thought it would happen to me
Sure I was physically abused for 4 years
But it never happened then
Why would it happen now?

It never occured to me that it could happen
I never thought my father was that sick
Yes I knew he was a sick man
Having alcoholism made him that way
Abusing my mother and I
Was the only thing I ever thought he'd do
But I was wrong
I was way wrong

It only happend once
On a day like any other
It was considered a normal day
Sitting on the chair he always sat in
Drinking and yelling at the tv
I was avoiding him
Doing what I was told to do
And being the "good piece of dirt" they wanted me to be

I was clueless
I was an idiot for not thinking it could happen
But then again I was taken by surprise

I hate that I was weak
I hate that I was defenseless
I hate that I was stupid in believeing he'd never hurt me that way
I hate that I think about it everyday

It only happend once
4 years ago
But it feels like it happend yesterday
InmemoryofLifelessStar InmemoryofLifelessStar 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 14, 2011

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I understand you. I went through the same thing. <br />
It's not your fault. WE will never forget.<br />
I remember all the times...especially the first time it started happening to me. <br />
I was 5 years old when it started. And I remember it all. <br />
But I choose not to let it affect me anymore.

that terrible no one should live thought that

threre wasnt anything you could have done to stop him it was a crime comented on you as a young helpless child .he is evil to have hurt you so you didnt deserve it. so sorry a hug for you linda

It isn't your fault. You didn't have a choice in the matter. I'm sorry this happened.