Due To The Sexual Abuse From My Adopted Father

I am 41 and I was sexually abused from age 5 until i was 14. I have lived a very destructive life and have ruined lives i have had relationships with. I have anger, depression and cannot get out of my head why, why did this happen to me. I was unable to have children due to the sexual trauma i endured and it kills me inside being an adopted child that i will never have a family that is my own. I dont know who my birth parents are and I have often tried to locate them; but being adopted from the phillipines is harder than in the US. I long to have peace in my life, and cant find. I have recently lost my job, and i have no strive to get a new one and i keep getting more depressed everyday. Around my 40th birthday, i called my adopted father because I finally got the courage to ask him why, and ask him to help me understand what did i do to deserve the abuse. He had no remorse, no explanation, he had nothing to say. Ever since then I have mentally and emotionally got worse every day. I fight the thoughts and feelings but it continues to haunt me............I dont know what to do anymore, i dont have the will to go on and i want the pain to stop.
adoptedlost adoptedlost
41-45, F
1 Response Sep 22, 2012

i know what your going through and i go throught the the same thoughts and feelings of anger and depression ,but i gave that all to god and one day between me and god and prayer decided to forgive my father ,but i dont have a relationship with him because he hasnt earned that right ,but what that does is take your control back and doesnt let what he did have the power over you anymore ,which is a very strong thing ,try prayer ,it works ask god to help you with the thoughts and anger you have ,trust me he will .