Lonely Lil Girl

I was a lonely little girl, my mom was too caught up in my dad, my brother was distant, and my older sister left home when we were very young. I remember when my dad first started messing with me, I was 7 years old, during the summer, we were out of school, my mom worked in the day time and my father at night, he would ask me to come sleep with him, then he tongue kissed me, and asked me if I liked it, he made me very afraid of him because I used to watch him brutally beat my mom, and out of fear of what he may do to my mom, I KEPT what he was doing to me, while she was at work, a secret. I also endured physical abuse from him,we were all playing dodgeball in the house once, my dad threw the ball at me, and I playfully threw it back at him, he moved, it hit and shattered my bedroom window, he became hysterical instantly! He jumped on me and threw me to the floor, he began beating my face into the floor, I was sreaming out for my mom, I remember looking up and behind me, seeing my mom in the door way with my older brother, as I screamed out, "please mama help me"!!.. she just grabbed my brother and closed the door and my dad continued beating me.. the sexual abuse went on as well as the physical abuse, and when I told my mom, she just said I was trying to break them up. He has tried to penetrate me, hes made me touch his genitals, hes choked, punched, kicked, slapped me ovver a course of 10 Years, he threatened to kill me if I sought out help, or attempted to run, he pointed a gun at me once and claimed "he wanted HIS body back",and that this was "we GOD's spirit, but HIS body", and he wanted it back, my mom just agreed with him and when he began choking me I yelled out for her help again, she then said "choke her harder, maybe she'll learn a lesson". And now that I am an adult I deal with the Long Term Affects of sexual and physical traumatizing child abuse.. Ivbe never really been able to hold on a job, I have uncontrollable crying and anger outburts, I findmyself having "shouting matches" with everyone. My mom, is still in denial til this day, about what happend to me, she puts me down, and lifts him up, she calls me a liar, she hates me, we donnt get along, I have had abusive relationships,due to my poor judgement, I have anxiety and panic. attacks, I hardly ever sleep, if I do i like one to two hours at most.
lucy290 lucy290
26-30, F
Jan 6, 2013