I Was Molested And Verbally Abused By My Mother

I felt like I was in prison for 30 years. I'm now 39. The last time my mom molested me I was 8 or 9. After that, there was verbal sexual abuse and verbal abuse. I have no feelings for my mom. I just came to the realization about the abuse about 2 months ago. I was hospitalized for a few days. I'm going to therapy. My therapist wants me to process what happened before telling anyone in my family. I'm really scared to think what their reaction will be. I'm the youngest of 8. I'm planning on telling my next oldest sister first. I'm really scared of what her reaction will be. Right now I just get through days. I wish I could get support from my family. I just feel like I'm not a real person. I have to act like everything's fine when it really isn't.
nothing99 nothing99
36-40, M
2 Responses Sep 7, 2012

I feel the same way. I really do not want to tell anybody. I have started to discuss with my shrink and have eluded some things to my wife. I want to put it behind me and am somewhat debilitated by it.

Monday, 15Oct2012/5:50 AM
Hey nothing99. I'm real sorry that your mother molested you. But I really do know how you feel & what you went thru. I too was molested by my mother. In fact, I was sexually abused (SA) starting when i was age 11, & it lasted until I was 17. Most of the time when she did SA me, she was drunk or all drugged up. When she wasn't bombed out of her gourd, she was a monster, angry all the time, raging, throwing things. I called her my Monster-Mom. It was ironic in a way, I preferred her when she was drunk/drugged, t even though she did SA me -- at least she wasn't screaming her head off like some Banshee.

Right before she did SA me, she'd say "If you love me, you let me do this (ref. SA) to you." OR "Will you touch me here?" Ref. pubic area.

She & my father are both dead now, and I don't miss them one F#$%king bit. And now that they ARE gone, I finally feel safe.

Respectfully, Heathland {:-{)>