Its Never Too Late To Live Again !!

i have never done anything like this before but i guess its time for me to open up myself hoping atleast some people would understand me.
i had been a guy all my life....n then i transformed into this soft emotional girl....i have dated a lot all my life n things were good until it all changed for me..
i started dating a family friend who is a big philanderer n fell deeply in love with him.it was really beautiful with him.he never did any wrongs to me.the maximum he went ws kissing me.but then being a philanderer it turned out he was cheating on me .i was heart broken n lonely. (i was studying out f my town) . i befriended a guy who loved me to death but i was only friends with him.to cut a long story short,this guy brought a terrible guy in my life...exact 2years ago ,  who claimed to love me but was committed to another girl.after a much ado i started dating him.it was beautiful initially but then i noticed it.he started getting aggressively wild n physical.he would kiss me forcefully,bite on my neck so bad that i would go back every nite bleeding nd scarred.but i thought it was okay.then one day he asked me to accompany him to a friend's place claiming he had some work but i refused.on my refusal , he got mad at me n grew more violent. it scared me more so i went with him. he promised he won't even touch me. things seemed fine until he came into the room i was sitting and locked the door.i thought he was trying to scare me away and asked him to stop it , but he said nothing and kept advancing towards me.i pushed him away and ran for the door realizing it was shut from the other end too. i was trapped.he came to me n hit me on my face n then began to undress me , i tried repelling but he was too strong for me.he took away my phone too...i fought for long until finally i gave up.he raped me thrice that time....for three long hours.i lost my virginity to him. i felt terrible n hurt , both mentally n physically.but i thought he would be with me.on my way back people stared at me..it was wen i reached my place i realized how badly i was hurt...there were visible scars all over my neck , my lip was bleeding. to add to my horror that guy dumped me. i was lonely like never before and vulnerable
he set his friends to woo me considering my vulnerability n those guys too had their part f takin pleasure out f me( though i never had an intercourse with them). i took to self destruction , trying to kill myself. i took to drugs and liquor n grew hopeless dating a druggist. then the final blow was wen my best buddy came to see me n i sneaked a nite out with him.i do not remember wat happened that nite, but a week later a guy called me saying he had my sex tape with my best buddy.that was wen i lost it. i thought i really was a **** and started sleepin around with guys i didn't evn know.one nite i realized hw terrible i was being n decided to go bak home the next day...
i was a changed person , i would not talk ...i developed anorexia nervosa..n i sank in a depression..i would try to kill myself everyday.my philanderer ex bf was still a gud friend and i told him all bou it n he helped me a lot , but then something more terrible happned. he asked me to sleep with his real sister's husband.i was outraged n walked out bt he said he had my sex tape with my best buddy n started blackmailing me with it.he added that he loved me n would accept me n that there was a rzn y he was doing that...helpless- i did it....it was gross , knowing he was a friend's husband , married , elder to me..i felt disgusted with myself knowing wat i was doin was wrong.
it then became rampant.my ex bf (who in sme ways was still a bf) changed n started harrassing me.he suspected me f having affairs.he wud spy on me.i remember once wen i met him he had all my phone details etc as a proof f me meeting guys (friends).that was the first time he used a hand on me.after that it became a routine.he would beat me up unreasonably , mercilessly n so hard that i wud bleed. he tortured me, burning me with cigarettes,slapping me hard...i felt like a worthless piece f crap, n the sleeping with his brother-in-law continued.i wud alwaz get doped before doin it with him.it was terrible doin it in my senses.evn he would beat me up if i wud go against him ....after months f this torture i left my place for college.it was difficult for me to deal with people.i was complexed n damaged....i made friends n told 'em bou it n to my surprise they didn't hate me for it
i started recovering but those ppl would rebound in my life.i started dating this amazing guy who accepted me for everythin i did n i was n helped me get out f it but i constantly felt guilty. i slept with the big man again while i was in a relationship vd my new bf n it was horrible cz i was ditching a guy who really loved me................. finally i kinda got over this vd my boyfriend's support...idk wat it was ...god's grace or something that all those guys apologized to me n realized their folly after suffering at the hands f destiny......i credit all f this to my bf...had he not been there i wouldn't have been able to live again
these incidents still haunt me sometimes...many people still call me a **** n try their best to lay hands on me....but it does not affect me anymore...cz i knw that THE PERFECT GUY IN THE WORLD LOVES ME N REPECTS ME n thats wat matters to me !!!


- SHAGGY !!




shaggy2793 shaggy2793
18-21
May 5, 2012