I used to have this dream. A haze of white and gold covering everything the entire "video" of what was happening. When I was young this dream happened a lot and I would wake feeling dirty and nasty. When I was a child I didn't understand what was happening in the dream, as I grew older I checked it under some disturbed thing that I imagined up because I was dirty and nasty, like how I felt when I awoke each morning after this nightmare. At 20 I finally accepted that this was not a dream. This minute long footage going through my memory as if to make me sick and wish for something better, like death. Even now, after "accepting" it I say words and phrases that make it sound like it wasn't me. It was just something I'd seen but never actually experienced, at least that's what I wish.
I didn't really know how to accept it. I cried for days after I realized that was not just a sick dream. And then the questions started coming. Who was it? The blond in my memories, I searched endlessly for someone who could have been at the day care who was a maturing age of 16 while I was just the innocent age of 4. Why did he do it? I asked innocent questions when I went on my search, inconspicuous and unsuspecting. My answers were ranged. He had a problem being a day care assistant because he felt the kids didn't respect him and they NEEDED to respect him. There was other answers like he was always sick in the head.
There was so many answers that I could never get from him, so many tears spent on what he had done, and many nightmares from that time he got into the shower with me and made me touch and lick him. "It's just a game." A ****** up game, one that changed me, dirtied me, and ruined an innocence I should have had for years to come.
The only good thing he ever did was jump because at least I never have to be scared about seeing him again.
Astelmarie Astelmarie
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 26, 2014

What happened to him? Did he off himself?

Sorry this happened to you. I'm glad he's gone, and in hell now where he belongs. Take care <3

Amen! People like don't deserve sympathy, happiness, or deserve to live their lives. They deserve to suffer greatly for their sins.