Two Faced

I have no one else to tell so i write this with the hope that maybe you will listen to me and i can try to release the weight that has been on my heart. It started one weekend when i went out and partied at a guys house, i barely knew him yet when i got drunk we ended up sleeping together. I wrote this off as bad judgement on both of our parts though it haunted me, because he was very nice the next morning and i couldn't remember what all happened. Later i went with my best friend and her boyfriend to the same guys house for another party, thinking that bygones we're bygones and my best friend and i would stick together. The party started off well with only him starting at me and my best friend but i blew it off. As the night progressed so did our drinking and by 1am the party was winding down and my best friend and i were stumbling drunk. The guy came and sat beside me with one arm behind my back, usually a common male move. When i looked over i saw his hand resting on my friends back too, where her boyfriend wouldn't notice and she said nothing. At this point things begin to become hazy for me. I watched her boyfriend help her up and begin guiding my drunken best friend down stairs, i figured he was leading her to the vacant room her and i were supposed to stay in that night. That's when i felt a set of male arms guiding me as well, we were going down stairs with them but then they must have guided us into the guys room instead because that is where my next memory is. I felt his weight first, then i heard my best friends muffled moans. I looked up to see the guy on top of me, kissing me. We were clothed then. When i turned my panicked attention from him to find my best friend i saw her in the same position with her boyfriend. I reached for her hand and she grabbed it nd gave it a hard squeeze; we didn't let go until herfriend took her hand from mine and pulled her from the room. Leaving me alone with him. I remember him holding my arms down so tightly it bruised my wrist, and i remember bits and pieces of him ******* me. I remember him saying "your perfect". I guess what i remember next shook me out of my drunken stupor because i remember so clearly " it broke". The condom had broken and he had *** in me. His next actions made me feel sick, he said " go get plan b tomorrow, I'll pay you for whatever it is." And he rolled over and passed out. I searched frantically for my cell phone feeling disoriented and queasy; it read 5:30AM. I called my best friend and began to sob when i saw her phone on the night stand. I must have made it to the bed, i don't remember that, i just know i cried until i guess i passed out too. When morning came the sun exposed the room and i saw 4 condoms, all used and "full". I sat on the edge of the bed and began the search for my clothes, ignoring his naked body watching me. He got up and found my clothes, and gave them to me. Then he slipped on pants and left the room. I got dressed and again began to cry. He came back, looked at me then went upstairs to the kitchen. I went upstairs after calming down and he offered me food, still feeling sick i declined and sat down on the couch. He came over to me as i checked my phone and looked over my shoulder, he became frustrated he saw that a male friend of mine had texted me and he told me I shouldn't talk to him anymore. When i opened my mouth to argue he told me that he enjoyed my company but he didn't want a relationship. Like he thought i would want one... my best friend came into view, i flung myself into her arms and told her we had to go to the store. We left immediately and got plan b and i only told her we had had sex and the condom broke though i think she knew that wasn't all i was crying about. He told everyone it was my fault it broke and that i was very outgoing in bed. I was too drunk to hardly move, he is lying. I feel disgusting and i can't get him off my mind, it constantly nags at me, i see his pictures and i can't stop staring. I feel like I'm going crazy and im scared I could be pregnant. Was this rape? Help.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 9, 2013