My Story

The abuse started at the age of 8 by my step father, well my mom's boyfriend he gained her trust and mine. She worked all the time and i was already dealing with abandment issues because of my real father. I looked at him as a father figure he drove a race car he seemed like a cool guy. Then he moved in and he molasted me for the next 8 years,,at first i did not know how i should react to it i mean i kinda knew it was not right but at age 8 I really did not know what to do,,at age ten i started drinking because by this time i knew this was anything but normal. The abuse got worse as did my drinking by 13 i was addicted to drinking and attempted suicide for the first time. It seemed the only way out he said if i told anyone he would kill me which i was willing to do that myself at this point so i said do it,,he said i will kill your mom then.. By 15 I was cutting myself everyday had a shotgun pointed at face for trying to open up to someone, i had to jump out of a moving car on a graval road.. I was fed up had attepted suicide twice and both times I lived through it. At 16 i knew what had to be done I had to kill him before he killed me. At 4am my mom would leave for work at which point if he was going to molast me that night he would come in at that time and since it had not happened in awhile i expectet i had a rock that was about 5 pounds on my headborad so when he came to hurt me I waited for my chance then I smashed the rock into the top of his skull as hard as i could 3 times i hit him, blood squarted to the celing and i was coved in his blood smiling i turned the light on to see what i had done. He layed there not moving blood gushing from his open head wound I thought i had killed him. I left skipped school and went to a near by creek, to hide out..Turns out he was not dead just knocked out and ****** up, i realized i could be violent to protect myself and i could fight tooth and nail,,his threat of killing me was as emptiy as his heart I never got molasted after that I would use anything as a weapon to protect myself an unopened dr pepper made a good weapon. Then when he tryed i would use my fist and I truly could beat the **** out of him and he was twice my size but he did not have 1% of the rage I had. He left my mom after that, since then i learned he had molasted atleast 2 kids before me and atleast one after me. I was too weak to tell anyone and because of that another kid got hurt and that is harder to deal with then the abuse itself, I am in therapy and on meds. I have attempted suicide more times then i can count I think its 7 but possably 8. I got addicted to pain pills and i smoked weed everyday from 15 to 22 I am 28 now and been drug free for 2 years well mostly.
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1 Response May 15, 2012

i understand how u feel but u faced him and beat him thats should make a difference,and about not telling ppl ,most of us didnt do that and yeah ppl get hurt because we didnt but its already alot for us without ppl pointing at us and making up stories and we still fight to cope everyday so telling ppl wasnt really an option atleast for me