Funny, Painfully FunnyMy dad had an insurance policy with some firm whose man came to collect the weekly payment at about 8-00 on a Monday night. My parents very rarely went out during the week they were going to show their faces at someones leaving do. I was about fourteen but still my mom ran through everything in triplicate.
The ten pounds was kept under a fruit bowl on the French Dresser in the kitchen. What could be simpler?
I got out of bed immediately when i heard them return shortly after 11-00pm.
Mom what did you do with the money I asked.
What do you mean?
I lifted up the fruit bowl. The money's not there I said showing her the evidence.
What have you done with it?
I started to look and feel guilty. It wasn't there. Honest. I'd taken some money a few weeks before only about 40 pence. Nowhere near ten pounds.
I put the money there myself you saw me do it. I'm tired now you've got until the morning to find it otherwise we'll be having a little chat.
I stormed off to bed luckily refraining from slamming the bedroom door. I was really angry and swore to myself under my breath. In 8 hours time i was going to get a good hiding for something i hadn't done. I had a terrible night i defy anybody to sleep when they are a condemned man. Maybe mom would put it off till after school. Would that be better? surely it would be worse. The waiting. The fear. The false hope of a reprieve.
Morning arrived too quick. I dressed quickly. I checked the fruit bowl. I checked the surrounding area. I counted down to zero.
Mom stood in the doorway in her dressing gown. Take your coat off we need to have a little chat. i'll take him
I followed slowly into the living room.
Mom read the riot act. In technicolour. This was stealing. Stealing from our own kind.
I flung the coat over a chair. I undid my school trousers. Yanked down my pants and made the familiar trip across mom's lap. I cried for what seemed like an eternity. I was over moms lap for what seemed like an eternity. Yet again mom took no prisoners. I wondered if any of my classmates had started the day with a spanking. A day sitting on those hard wooden stools. It would be hell. It was hell. I spent all day being on my best behaviour. I couldn't afford to hav e any more damage done to my backside. At home mom wasn't talking to me. Dad wasn't talking to me. I was so unclean i'd have spanked myself if i could have.
Months later as a punishment for something else i had to wash alot of ornaments, one was the fruit bowl to which i dropped it in the soapy water of the sink. When i next looked in the sink i saw a ten pound note swimming around.in the sink. My only idea is that something sticky was on the underside of the bowl and as none of us had held the bowl up high enough to actually look underneath. I spent the tenner in due time.