He Died In My ArmsHe Died In My Arms.
Posted February 10th, 2012 at 9:12AM
We met a little over a year ago...instant attraction both physical and emotional. Our bond grew with each passing day talking for hours when possible, sharing what was happening in each others lives....kids, grandkids no topic was left undiscussed. We quickly became best friends, lovers and the heart of the other. We discussed our future and we agreed that while we had no plans on leaving our spouses in the near future...if we where ever found out...no matter how scary starting over was, being without the other was even scarier. I had to go to the hospital and he dropped everything to be by my side, as you see this was more then just a physical affair.
We had been planning our day together for over a week....met, lunch and then what ever the day would bring. I meantioned if he was affriad his wife would find out...one word without hessitation no...if she does " I will have you". That day would be te last day I would ever see him....as we lay in each others arms, a health young man died in mine. The pain and guilt I feel now is almost unbearable. Two families have been shattered. A son and grandchild have lost something that can never be replaced..and I am affriad that they will never know just how much he loved them. They have lost a husband, son, father and grandfather....I have lost my best friend. We both have wholes in our hearts that will never be filled.
He came from a small town, so as you can imagaine the question of why and how he passed...the question of family as to what he was doing with another woman. These people have no regard for him or his family as to the gossip that they spread.
I loved him very much..and I will never have the answers to what happened to him, what caused him to die. I didn't and not have thought about going to the funeral.....but still I mourn...my mournig must be silent..I can not cry at home I can not cry in frontof people. My heart aches for all that I have caused...the memory of this man to his family, which I begged the cops not to tell them he was with another woman...I didn't want his family to think less of him.
I am not saying I deserve sympathy...his family does...my family does. I ask the question every day what happened...he was healthy and no health issues. I deserve what ever I get...I have distroyed 2 families.
He will never leave my thoughts and will remain in my heart.....I now must find away to moved forward with out answers....
We never intended to hurts those that we loved, I don't think any of us do.....but sometimes fate makes those choices for us.