Why Didn't He Choose Me????

 I did indeed find myself in this position, although at the time I just knew I was so special that I would be the winner! LOL! NOT! But all relationships generally teach us things.....

It all started in the fall of 1995. I had moved away from Georgia to get away from my abusive husband. My friend and I moved to Gulport, MS. That is where I met well let's call him"SHADY"! I was at the school, after work one day, using the phone, and he drove up. I think I was talking to a guy I worked with and Shady asked me if I was in love with the person on the phone. Kinda caught me off guard, but I started to think about it and said"well no I'm not at all", I hung the phone up. We had a conversation, and he asked if we could go out sometime and he asked for my number, so I gave him a fake. Well then he showed up at my house, Yes, I guess he saw where I lived. He wasn't a super stalker, just good with his investigation techniques!

So we went out on a few dates, and after we became intimate, he lets me know that he's married!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT, that she was in a different state and their relationship wasn't good. By the way I was 19, he was like 25. He was also in the Navy. This man was so different than any other man I had ever dated. He was sweet, sincere,gentle, accomplished! He treated me like a queen, and that was something I hadn't experienced before. My ex-husband treated me like garbage. He cheated, drank, and beat on me. I was stand-offish about Shady at first, but truly fell in love with him. We were together all the time, and he was a little possessive about me. We went out and did things, or we stayed in. I cooked for him, it was LIKE a real relationship. 

We did talk about him being deployed in Feb and how it would be to say goodbye, He said that we would say goodbye and not look back at all! But I had to move unexpectedly first. And he came over and I said my goodbyes and he left. Well an hour later, he came back, and as my parents were driving me away, he just stood there looking at me. I had tears streaming down my face and my heart just cracked. I couldn't believe he even came back.

Well I moved to Ca for a year and in that same year he was stationed in 29palms, Ca. I was so happy and made talk of going down there or him coming up to see me. It was like 2 hours away, but he became distant and YEP you guessed it he never came to see me. I was sad, but got most of the crying out and got over it within that year.

Then I moved back to Georgia, and about 3 weeks after I did, I got a phone call. He was bringing a car from his home in NC, to somewhere and wanted to see me, and wanted me to meet his Dad. So I said yes, this was someone I really loved, and no matter what, I wanted to see his face. Well , time and pain change things. He looked different to me, I guess because of my wide array of feelings cried out and honestly poured out with a little liquor. His dad was a nice man, and well I stayed at his hotel room, and we were intimate. But I was angry with him, and he said " you are still so angry with me aren't you?"  He noticed the change in me as well.  I talk to him maybe once again after that and that what it. I started to fell a little stupid. I had asked him once why he just choose me, and he told me that if he did, his wife was so vindictive she would never let him see his child again! I didn't push because I would never want anyone to make that kind of choice. I wish I knew if he really Loved me, or was I just one of many. I don't regret him, I do regret the sin of sleeping with someone else's husband. But he made me see myself, and love myself again, and I am a better person for loving him... 

I want to know what you think? and I did find out by chance that his wife knew about me. I was working in atlanta and met a girl who used to date his brother, and during conversation she said" oh your the AMANDA! Wow, everyone heard about you and him. You should try to get him back because everyone knew how he wasn'r happy and blah blah blah".. So I wonder when it all came out, she must have found my ID or he told her or I don't know. I have never spoken to her""" Do you think he loved me at all? or was it just a fling, or one of his many affairs??


hill2184 hill2184
36-40, F
4 Responses May 7, 2012

I am a wife! My husband did cheat on me and of course he didn't choose her. Why would he choose someone that is okay with him being married and still wants to get involved. He is 100% responsible for hurting me but she new he was married, new that I loved him and still picked to encouraged him to be with her. I think that it takes a very desperate person with low self esteem to try and wrangle a married man from his family. Please don't get me wrong in thinking I don't blame him. He will spend the rest of his life repairing our relationship because he wants too but I do blame her for her part in the devastation of my marriage. She swore to me that she didn't like him like that and that she knew he loved me but then would have sex with him the next day. What he did was unforgivable and what she did was disgusting! I feel nothing but pity for such a person

He didn't choose me.......I chose me :)..... I am not a choice

Hard to say whether he loved you or not....I am in the same boat. I wonder the same thing....It wasn't a married man I was with but he had a girlfriend and I just feel hurt and confused and violated in some weird way, it hurts but I'm a stronger, better person because of it.....he said he lied to both of us...so he could keep us both in his life but at the end I ended it so I could be happy...he still wanted to be friends....I didn't give him that satisfaction. I hope he thinks about me every day and feels like the jackass that he is... I have a REAL man now who lives me and is helping me restore myself. I still think about him and hurt because of what he reduced me to, but sometimes love just ain't enough.

Hello, <br />
<br />
Relationships are so complicated, but it should never be. He probably didn't chose you because he is afraid...he is used to his wife, even if it doesn't work with her and i think some people are too afraid to change their life even if they aren't satisfied with it. I would be curious to see statistics as to "how many husbands leave their wives to be with their "mistress" " I think the number is probably really thin...I think it is a common story: a married man dates another woman, and when he has to choose, he decides to stay with his wife because this is what he knows best. <br />
<br />
I have not been the chosen one either. He wasn't married...he was just a crush...but I had believed so deeply that I was destined to be with him...and he chose another girl...to my deepest surprise and pain. I will never understand...I wish I had never been interested in him. So much suffering for nothing... And at 35 years-old, I would expect to make better choices in my relationships. I am so frustrated at me...and deeply sad...<br />
<br />
I don't know how you feel... Do you cope with the situation ? Are you sad, mad at him ? I hope you are feeling not too bad. As to "if he has loved you"...whatever the answer is, he chose to stay with his wife and that probably says everything...I am sorry to say that....But I have to accept the same thing about my man...If they had really been interested, we would have been the chosen one. I would like a soft revenge : I want him so much to regret his choice and to have the pleasure to tell him that I am not a second choice. Who knows...maybe they already regret....<br />
<br />
Warm regards<br />
Josee<br />
Sorry if I do English mistakes, my first language is French