I Ended It

Just now i ended it with my mm. I hope it stays ended. I cant cope with the constant explosion of emotions anymore. Its a game for the mm. A drug for the other woman. I know this now. Before the current mm i was always in control, nevet wanted or expected more. But then i met "him". Even before the affair i cared to much. Then the affair hit and suddenly i realised i didnt just care i loved. And boy did i love everything about him. I worshiped (and still do) his very being. His soul. Everything. But with the mm you cant fall in love. How often do they truly love you back? How often do they worship your soul and not just your body? They are married. Most have kids. They love their familys but are just lacking the spark that they once had. We. The other women fulfil that. I dont want to be the other woman anymorr. I want to be THE woman.
helena09 helena09
31-35, F
5 Responses Oct 5, 2012

I did this once. Then I decided to stop trying make a meal out of the crumbs of someone else's life. There are plenty of available men.

i wish i had the strength to end it :( So abusive, I get nothing but a rollercoaster ride, lies, no inclusion, lonliness, heartache, aggravation...so why do I stay? addiction? He loves upsetting me, pushes my buttons, is a controlling freak and has power..which i cannot stand a chance against. he does whatever it is he wants, when he wants, etc..and I"M the OW? WTF> I thought the OW are supposed to be treated like queens. I don't ask for ANYTHING! Nothing. I pay my bills, I buy my own purchases, clothing, take care of my child, am a cheap date, and am always being ordered around. It's been over 6 years. He's now on vaca with his family and I sit here alone..like a looser. I feel like i'm addicted and cannot get out of this. I have no family to support me, my friends are tired of hearing about it- I don't blame them. I know what I'm doing is wrong- yet I'm not the one with the committment. How do I stop? Each time I try to get closer to the Lord, I swear the devil comes in and says: "oh no you don't...i'm keeping you in pain and near your MM..just to f^& with you and punish you" ..well, he's right about one thing: THe pain, anguish, etc. I feel like I'm going to have an aneurysm.

thats a good thing

I know...I tell myself everyday the same thing. Still the pain endures.

I could've have said it any better!