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Will I Ever Learn?

I am so depressed as I write this however I know I need to write to feel better!
3 weeks ago I met a man. Yes, another married man. I love the thril, adventure and excitement however most of all i like the ATTENTION. This guy swept me off of my feet. After only a few days we decided to met in person. And let me tell you...instant attraction! I found him attractive, humerous, funny, intelligent and he gave me attention. We would talk on the phone before work, email all day while at work, talk on the ride home and text all night. We made plans to go away for my birthday weekend...it was fabulous! Then comes yesterday...Yesterday was magical! WE finally had sex and made out for hours. Eventually we decided that we were hungry and wanted to stop at the cafe. We got out of the car and I saw this look of panic on his face after he had read an email. I asked what was wrong and he replied that his wife knew he was cheating. I responded with WHAT are you kidding me?? He said no. he proceeded to tell me that his wife forwarded him emails that she found that he was talking to another woman...not me ...thank goodness. He started to shake and shared that he needed to stop further damage. He turned pale and said that he did not want a divorce. I knew this and I was not looking to change situations. I just loved being with him as a lover, friend, gf, mistress however you want to label it. HE shared that he was no longer hungry and that he would like to return to his car so that he can go to work. I obliged obviously...and drive him back to his car. We said minimun to each other. He did say that he was sorry that I had to witness this. I said that I did not know what to say and he respected that. We got back to the parking lot and he kissed me goodbye. Then then said he will let me know what happened. That was 24 hours ago and I have not heard from him..It is killing me inside. I miss him...I hurt...I ache. However I know his wife is probably hurting more. I just want him to be happy and if that means he does not contact me ever again then it is what it is.
InterestingChic79 InterestingChic79 31-35, F 18 Responses Nov 14, 2012

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Sorry dear , but now you know, if a guy will cheat with you , he ll probably cheat on you ! hugs . hope things are better for you now !

If it is the attention of a new, witty, intelligent and attractive man that you are craving, then you will probably act any differently. You are married but not desiring a change. So married men are a safe approach to get that attention which you crave. As long as you are safe and enjoying your self, have fun.

BTW, I hope this guy had the sensitivity to at least contact you for some closure.

What an understanding lady sorry but I find his manners deplorable no lady should be treated this way maybe it,s me?smile

any update?

I have a really hard time understanding when I read your post. He stood there and told you he had just been caught by his wife with another woman while you are cheating with him. Oh my goodness does that not send up red flags and sirens going off. You have been involved with him for three weeks and it's killing you, you ache and hurt all over hes apparently is a serial cheater. You need to run girl! Don't look back - do things to get him off your mind - if he calls have some self worth and don't pick up. Why would you still be interested?

It amazes me to how you say "Another married man". You love the thrill and excitement. What about his wife she sure wasn't thrilled to find out he was cheating on her and bless her heart she only knows half of it. I am a wife married 27 yrs and experienced this excruciating pain and devastation. You have know idea the effects an affair has on a family. It destroys families sometimes good, happy, close, tight families. I know you think how could that be if he's cheating sometimes mistakes are made and bad, irrational judgement comes into play when the cheater enters into this affair and it maybe a first and only time it would happen. It tears a family to shreds why would you want to be in the middle of that? What would your family say if they knew you see married men? You just act like its no big deal, it seems to me. It's kind of a game to you, but this game hurts a lot of innocent people that don't deserve to be hurt. If you are smart like I said you need to run. You need to chalk this one up and be done. My gracious you were cheating with him and you see and hear a conversation that he' just gotten caught with another woman and you are still interested in him. He's a dead end for you sounds like to me. He sounds like a jerk and it sounds like to me if you were with him, he wouldnt hesitate to cheat on you. I wrote a story You dont want to do it, Ive Been through it and it's the wife's side and a plea for anyone thinking of having an affair to stop and reconsider and realize all the repercussions this will have. Just mentioning it if you wanted to hear about the other side. You really need to be realistic here and see what this guy is. You need to think about you and your future and is this really the way you want to live your life? Wish you well and hope you can part ways with this guy.

I understand that being involved with married men brings you some kind of thrill and some people below me are right, we all want what we can't have because what we can't have makes it more appealing to us. It's just human nature, but please for your own good i really urge you to expect as much as possible that he will go back to his wife where he knows there is security there. Does he have any kids? If he does you should even more epect that he will go back to his wife. I'm not saying this to be nasty I;m just saying that if you expect in your mind that he will most definetley choose his wife (and possible kids) over you, it won't hurt so much when it does actually happen because then you'll be mentally prepared for it.

Having said that i also say it because it can happen the other way round! If he is a really decent guy and he loves you genuinley, he will divorce his wife and be with you. Right? Imagine if you're really expecting him to choose his wife over you....but actually he doesnt! It makes you feel 10x happier...i'm saying this because i too in some way am involved with a married man tho it's a whole lot more complicated when that married man is your dads bestfriend....Whatever you decide to do..good luck! :) xxx

In all of us there is a desire for the forbidden. A yearning for something that belongs to someone else. I'm a thrice married man. My first two marriages were open and wonderful. When one of us wanted something else the other helped them get it. Our lovers were our friends and our bed a treasure chest of memories. Sadly many people don't understand that you can never really posses a married person. They are stolen or borrowed love at best but they can serve a purpose. No one can ever take from you the feelings you shared together both in and out of bed and feelings born in those embraces linger. Give him time to deal with his problems and straighten his life out and perhaps sooner than you think, he will realize that he needs you as much as he needs his family. Your stolen treasures may once again play across the stage of your life. What you shared with this man is yours and always will be. Don't forget to smile.

Thank you! I need to be patient and it is soooo hard! I just want to know what would help him ...

No. Thank you. Your adventure has been the highlight of my day. A lady who knows how to take what she wants from life is enough to raise any mans temperature. I know you are hurting but you sound so strong that I have no doubts that you will survive and thrive. Life gives us nothing. We have to get our pleasures on our own and you are one of those rare few that understands this. If this man is foolish enough to let a lover like you slip by I have no doubt that you will be able to mend your heart. His loss will be another man's gain.

That made me smile do the first time all day!

For *

I hope you are feeling even better today. I thought about you last night. How nice it would have been if your guy had stopped by and made sweet love to you unexpectedly. It would be so cool if he could learn that he can have his family but could have a secret room in his life for you too

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I appreciate all of your responses. The truth is I know he will choose his family and Inexpext him to! I just would like some closure. Maybe he needs time...maybe he is shutting me out to forget about me. Ugh I want to rip my heart out!

sorry u had to go though that again but u r a strong person and wilk make it though

What a hard situation. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Being the other woman is never easy. Hell, being the wife of the spouse isn't easy either! When it comes to matters of the heart its always difficult.

Girlfriend.... do you understand the rules. You know that feeling you are experiencing right now, just suppose he did not have anyone and you guys contiunue the relationship. You are on cloud nine right now, and your boyfriend was seeing someone else. You would be hurt.... you'd hope he do the same thing and come home to you and explain the affair. As much as you want to be with him, you will have to forget him. One day you will be someone's wife and you will not want to experience the hurt of your husband's ongoing relationship...... You will find someone that will make you feel way better and he will be single and available....trust me.....

Wow! That had to be so hard for you just coming off a beautiful time together. Sorry to hear that. The hardest part I think is that you can't communicate with him and just hear his voice. When it ends so abruptly it sends you into a downward spin. Take care! Those of us that have been in a relationship like yours understand your pain. Hang in there girl.

This is so painful for you , I;m so sorry. - You were not the cause - but you are feeling the effects , and my heart aches for you. He will most likely communicate with you because you are his friend foremost. Be that friend while he pieces things together. Why men need so much freakin space we'll never know . Tread carefully and lightly. Hugs ............

Thank you!

My dear, its is not your place to call him or text him. He doesnt belong to you. You are worthy to have your own man.

Sadly you are right.

I know this pain you are feeling, and I'm sure you have been there before too. Please try hard not to make any contact, when he is ready he will come to you. As you say he doesn't want a divorce and you don't want that either so if you do do something now it could make a whole lot of trouble and in the end you could be without him for good. You are about to travel a very rocky road I hope you come out unscathed at the end of it. Good luck XXXX

Thank you!

My heart goes out to you, I know your pain ....

Well, obviously he's been chatting up other women, in addition to you. Seems this guy has issues. I get that it never makes any sense why we would want this type of guy. You already know that you're better off without him and the whole spiel. I hope you manage through without your self-esteem taking too much of a beating. Good luck!

I want to email/text/call but i dont feel it is my place....

I know you probably want to, but it's probably best if you don't. His wife is probably already watching him now, and if she sees any messages she will confront him. Also, if she confronts him then that will probably anger him and lead him to feel resentful towards you. Just let it be.

Best of luck.

Hang in there...I've been in your shoes, you will hear from him when he is ready.It just might take a while.

Thank you!