I hate that I had to even join this group. The other woman sounds so tawdry.
What he and I shared was just the opposite. I met him on EP in early spring of this year. We were both in ****** marriages. My marriage was closer to the finish line than his was, but we were in the same boat nonetheless. His stories moved me. They were from a place of hurt and despair and sincerity. I had read many other stories from the same group, but for whatever reason, his words spoke to me. I reached out to him one night and we hit it off almost instantaneously. We struck up a rapport and started on our journey. We went from being casual acquaintances, to friends that relied on each other for advice and strength. Then one day he sent me a message telling me he had developed a crush on me. How sweet! I giggled when I read it and thought, a crush? Is he for real? Those words sat with me throughout the day and it hit me, that I too, had a crush on him. Well, from that moment forward, our relationship quickly turned into true, deep feelings, eventually turning into love for one another. We shared everything. Our past, our present,talked about a future and even started to plan one together. We were each others everything. We met up in person and it was everything we thought it could be and then some. There were sparks of electricity between us, yet there was such a closeness and familiarity from the very first moment. It was truly magical. We confided in each other that even at it's very best, our marriages were never this good. We had never felt this comfortable or this open. We acknowledged how lucky we were and were so grateful that we had found each other. Needles in a haystack. Then the walls came tumbling down and I have been trying to get out from underneath the rubble for the past 7 weeks. His wife found out about us, everything. At first, we thought it was a blessing in disguise. This would only expedite their divorce process. (something they had already discussed) She was angry, of course. She told him to get out of the house. He and I felt bad for the hurt we caused, it was sickening. He told me of her tears and her vomiting. That week was hell. It was also life altering. For you see, she decided she didn't want him to leave. She decided she would change, she would now step up and be the woman he had been begging her to be for the past 2 years. All his tears and his pleading with her to show him some emotion had now come to fruition. She "changed". She had an "epiphany" *please note the sarcasm on those two words in quotations*
He was honest with me about her change and her decision to ask him to stay. He could've kept it to himself and had us both, but he didn't. He chose to tell me because he knew I would've wanted to know. I'm not sure he was expecting my words when he told me, but there they were. I broke it off with him. I couldn't take the chance of waiting around to see who he would pick. In the end, I would've lost anyways. We went back and forth for a day or two over the breakup. He was sorry that he hurt me, he was sorry that he broke all of his promises and our plans. None of it mattered. His words sounded like white noise in my ears. Deafening. All this time has passed and I still struggle with the loss. I miss him terribly. I know he misses me, but he has made his bed and now has to sleep in it. I believe that he and I were meant to be together and I still have hope in my heart that he will man up and make a move. Although I've left out many important details, I write our story because I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands out there going through the same thing. I'm hoping my words and my emotions will encourage someone who is having just as hard of a time as I am. I would like to say it gets easier, or you'll get over it, but that would make me a liar at this point. I'm not saying you won't get there, or that I won't get there, but for right now, I am stuck on day one of our breakup. The only hope I can give is that there are a bunch of us out there going through this and perhaps we can all learn something from each other. Please, please, please.....if you are going to comment on my story, make it respectful and classy. Even if you disagree with what I've done, I don't need a lecture or a tongue lashing.
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Dec 9, 2012