I Thought He Loved Me....

I guess I don't know where to start. I was in a long term relationship when I met "him" at a work conference. I knew he was married and I was in a relationship so I didn't think much about him at first. That evening we were having dinner at the same restaurant, next thing I know a group of us decide to get cocktails at a nearby bar. We started off in casual conversation, nothing crazy, then he put on his full court press. We flirted but again I didn't think too much of it. Next thing I knew we were walking hand and hand back to my hotel room and mind you, the conference was in HIS HOMETOWN! I was successful in behaving but he did stay in my room until around 6am. We talked and I pushed off his advances. The following day he started his pursuit with a full court press again calling my room at 8am before I had left for my first meeting. This resulted in me deciding to stay one more night which was the biggest mistake of my life. He got a hotel room and we went out to a few places that evening. When we finally kissed, it was like fireworks. We had the most amazing evening that night and I went home the next day thinking I wouldn't hear from him again but I was wrong. Fast forward a year and a half of lies, disappointment, me finding out he has a child that he had lied about and ending my long term relationship to be with him only to discover he will never be leaving his wife. I've broken it off with him more times then I could count but this last "family trip" was my breaking point. He was away for 3 weeks and we had no scheduled trips to see one another until a conference in February. I asked him to stay through the weekend. His response. No. That was it. I haven't spoken to him since, this was on dec 27th. I know I have to have closure but can't bring myself to call him or even email him. He sent me several messages that I ignored so I believe he has gotten the hint. My fear is that when I see him in feb I am going to give in and I cannot keep doing this to myself. I am not the happy person I use to be. I am no longer as self confident as I use to be. I do not trust him and I know he isn't good for me. I've done all the "lists" and I know it's wrong but I continue to be drawn to him. I just want to be free from him.
Cnfsdnhrtbrkenchi Cnfsdnhrtbrkenchi
31-35
3 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Wow, our stories are very similar. After 8 months of seeing each other, the last family trip broke me. I too work with the man, who comes in from out of town since I moved 6 months ago. I'll probably have to see him in the next month and he will probably attempt to make his moves. He was decent enough to offer to cancel his trip here next week after I ended it today (still hurts like hell but is the 2nd best thing he could've done).

Just remember the hurt will only heal if the wound stops being opened. You have to stop it or the alternative is more pain and insult.

I wish you the best. I hope you will be on here as I go through my melodrama. IT WILL PASS. :-)

Same here... these men really know how to lie and deceive and hide things. They suck us in, knowing how vulnerable we are. They break us down just so they can have us when they want. I am done with the guy that kept me on a leash for so long. I've turned to working out, family, friends, keeping busy at work (we work together) and ignoring him as much as possible. Just stay strong... really work on yourself, build up your self esteem, build up your self respect and keep telling him NO!! You can do it!!

Well so far so good. I canceled my conference and as far as I know he doesn't know so at least i dont have to see him so soon, not until probably May and its such a large conference i would have to make an effort to see him. Havent heard anything from him until this AM. I woke up to a 2am text saying how much he missed talking to me everyday, how important I am to him, how sorry he is that it ended blah blah blah. Ater reading it like 20x I deleted it. Not responding.

That is great... stay strong!! You're taking small baby steps and focusing on yourself. Keep it up and don't let him suck you back in!

Did you feel like punching him in the face when you got that text?! Philosophicly I mean. I want to scream, go to your wife! The one you're so attached to, not me!

I think you did the absolute right thing. It's not worthy of a response.

just thk how badly did he treat u
did he appreciate ur sacrifice?
did he sacrificed back anythg for u?
did he loved u or at least respect ur love & tell u honestly abt wat he really felt?
don't u thk he just manipulated u ?
thk abt answers & u ll start to hate him
get busy & do a thg u always wanted to do but u didn't bcs u were together
don't let urself alone , socaialize & try to keep ur head full of anythg but him

note:
i ve to be honest too , having an affair s not right , u should n't do it again

utopialover, I have to say, after going through something similar to what Cnf has, it's not what you would think. They treat us great, sacrifice everything they can, appreciate you and what you do for them, they are honest (but torn by playing the role of husband and boyfriend).

Were we manipulated? Maybe. We can't really know for sure. If they were as obvious jerks as what you are thinking, these affairs would never get emotional. Not mine at least. The fact remains that they bide their time and hurt two women.

It's heartbreak. You are so right, keep busy and focus on the good things in life. Remember that if he really loved you, you would be it for him. That is the way to go.