I Cant Get Over It No Matter How Hard I Try..karma???

Today I thought to myself how did I get to where I am now?  I am agonizing over a man who has a family. He is not married per say (common law) and I also suspect he has another woman on the side besides myself.  So that is where I ask myself WHY?????  This is ridiculous!!!!  But I fell for him "head over heals"  it happened gradually though.  I have been sleeping with him for over a year now.  We talked everyday and we just laughed and enjoyed each-others conversations.  Here is a little history of my past.  I was with a man for 10 years prior to that who I had a horrible connection with (I know that now...didn't then).  He was always too critical of me and never appreciated me.  We have been broken up now for 3 years.  I was well over him by the time I got involved with this person.  I swear it was not a planned event. 

 

I ended this affair 2 weeks ago.  I cant get my mind off of him.  He on the other hand seems to not care.  This is not the first time I called it quits.  The emotions are too much for me to handle.  I know that this was not going to give me the future family I long for.  Although this is the type of man that I would love to share it with.  It is so sad I think when you almost had it all.  We clicked.  We had amazing sex and he was so sensual.  There is a downside here to how he was with me.  He was Hot and Cold.  Especially lately.  He went from calling me 10 times per day to skipping days at a time.  I would send him msgs and he would at time not respond.  We used to chat on-line frequently and now he is on for hours on end and wont say a word to me.  Yet he still would not tell me with words that he was not interested.  Actions however did and I don't want to see this.  It drove me crazy knowing he was no longer into me.  He on the other hand never tells me that.  He would tell me otherwise.  I ended up breaking this cycle as I started to feel like his *****.  Believe it or not that was never the case prior.  Maybe I played with his emotions too much when I would tell him it was done a few several times.  Now just to warn you I blame myself for the mishaps along the way.  I know I shouldn't. 

Thought it was special over the course of the "relationship"  I was so wrong and I guess I just deserved what I got in the end.. His gf pb felt the same way when he was out with me.

 

How do I get through this???  I still want him

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26-30
Feb 22, 2009