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Irristable Coworker

I am a professional well educated person. In my career I help others. I became involved with a married coworker and I myself am married. We both have children. He called me while I was hospitalized and stated he had been thinking about this for a long time and wanted to be more than just my friend but he didn't want it to effect either of our marriages or for anyone to get hurt. He had spent almost everyday talking to me at the end of my shift and beginning of his. He called it our alone time. He was very attentive. He started texting me one afternoon while at work and it was very explicit. I was so attracted to him and found myself doing things with him that I would not do with my husband of 12years. I was immediately comfortable with him and shared a part of myself with him that noone else will ever be allowed to share. The affair went on for 8 months. I am completely in love with him and it was not just sex! He decided to tell his wife and she called me. I miss him so much and I did all of the driving I picked him up and jumped through all of the hoops for him. I am hurting so bad and I feel I will never again be able to share myself! Am I alone or is this normal?

Stollings Stollings 41-45 5 Responses Aug 17, 2009

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My story is so similar to yours, it's shocking. My affair ended in early 2010 and I'm still heartbroken.

I totally understand.

It is normal to lose the affair, but there are others available, like in the millions, so you are not alone. We ant' getting any younger so get out there and find someone. Personally I prefer someone close to me in California.

all i know is it is a horrible heartbreaking feeling. what an oxymoron! you risk hurting your spouse,you make a bad choice, and u break your own heart! Guess thats how you pay for it, here's the question...(for you) would you still have done it and experienced that connection even though you knew nothing good could come of it and that it would end with u hurting....hmmm...<br />
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In all seriousness, what I always try to tell myself...is that the emotional connection you feel with that person, isnt reality. its fantasy. Your not sharing life's responsibilities, your not seeing their "bad side" their not sick of you or irritated at something you did, because you are their release from reality. Of course you care for that person, deeply. I know he cares about me too, but we were both selfish and fulfilled our voids, periods. So you can either beat your self up or reflect on it, learn from it and ask yourself whats important, what makes you happy and what can you do to improve the current life you have. Guaranteed, if you had your mind and energy in this guy, it wasn't in your spouse, and they have to be feeling isolated and alone. SO turn your attention to him, because you will be surprised at the love thats waiting for you at home if you just nurture it, let go of resentments and bitterness and hell, just try being nice to him! Go out of your way to do small thoughtfull things....you will be amazed. That emptiness will always be there, but thats the scar we have to bare for our actions.

no you are not alone.and yes it is normal to feel hurt when you open your self up so compleatly with some one and then they walk away .there is a terrible emptiness that you will probably <br />
never be able to fill. but life does go on and you have a family of your own to take care of .<br />
buckle down and start anew . other wise you may lose what you do have,