I Thought She Played For My Team

*NOTE* All names in this post have been changed.

Hi. My name's Lacey, and I'm a lesbian.

I was in a relationship with my best friend, Nathalie. I had completely fallen head-over-heels for her. She had almost become a part of me, my better half. I had trusted her with everything. She was my first girlfriend, and she got my first kiss. It was like magic. My entire body lit up and sizzled with electricity. We've touched each other and played around in the nude a bit, but we've never done the deed, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Turns out, while I was shamelessly pining over Nathalie for months, she had been with a boy named Nick for over a year. She told me this yesterday, and it sunk in until right now, in the middle of night on the next day. She said everything rather simply.

"I just wanted to practice on you. When I finally got to make out with Nick, I knew everything I needed to know, because I had done it before. I just didn't want to be embarassed. You understand, right?"

I told her I understood, but I didn't. But now all she's worried about is that Nick never finds out. I have the insane desire to just tell him. Let him find out about me in the same way I found out him. About two hours ago, my brain had processed everything Nathalie had said, and I was suddenly filled with an intense hatred for her.

She used me. I had loved her, and she just wanted me to be her play thing, something to keep her from embarassing herself.

But I guess I'm at fault here, too, considering I was so blind. Because out of all the times I told her I loved her...

She never said it back.


crazychica67 crazychica67
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 10, 2010

Thats terrible. I would move on though. Its useless to dwell on such things. Lifes too short, you'll find another.

I was in a very similar situation. I dated a girl that was my best friend. I loved her so much, she's the one I shared my first kiss with and everything. And then one day she turned around and said she "doesn't think she likes girls anymore" and that she was just having fun. It broke my heart<br />
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I agree with GeishaMasami though. You have to ask yourself how much this girl valued your friendship. I know it's terrible but apparently she didn't value it very much because she didn't even tell you about this guy until now. I say it's her loss and hopefully she gets burned just as bad as she burned you.

This is really powerful, I feel your pain. <br />
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You have to ask yourself, "How much did she value your friendship"?<br />
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It was very cold for her to say that you was practice. People are not games and their feelings are not levels and should be treated with equal respect. <br />
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I agree with SassyCat44, Karma is a *****.

wow, stuff like this molds us into what we become in later years. dont let it make you bitter. the truth always comes out, may not be day or tomorrow could be next year or 20 years from now..BUT it will ...be honest with yourself. She has no concerns for anyone but herself and karma is a *****....

i'm sorry for u. i feel for u, and your hurts. if u want to message me, i'l chat with u.