I Was The Victim Of A Bridezilla

And when I make this statement I 'm not talking about temper tantrums and tiaras or declarations of "it's my day!".   Would it suprise you if I told you that the "blushing bride" was 41 at the time of the wedding?  Would it suprise you if I told you the bride was a doctor who went to some of the best schools in the country?   So how did a doctor and her wedding get to the point of no return?

Well the story begins simple enough.  My 41 year old cousin anounced that she was engaged in December 2002, and I was happy for her. When January 2003 passed I realized that I was not going to be asked to be in the wedding party.  That was ok with me.  To be honest, my cousin's 20's and 30's were like the movie "27 dresses".   She had been a bridesmaid maybe a dozen times.  So I thought maybe a lot of friends owed her favors.

By March 2003 I got some curious news.  I was talking with my mom in the kitchen one day when she said that my aunt (brides mother) said that my cousin was supose to ask for my blessing to have my dad walk her down the aisle.  Now she may have been 41 but I was just 29 and unmarried.  I was shocked that my dad was walking her down the aisle, and that I was finding out by word of mouth.   She lives a 7 hour drive away from us  and she had two "father figures" living in her city who I assumed she would choose from.  A great uncle of ours, and a first cousin of my dad and aunt who she could see everyday and they don't have unmarried young daughters.

I may have been shocked, but what came later was just humiliating and unbearable!  April 2003 had arrived and there was just 2 months until the June wedding.  One day I got an letter in the mail.   It was from my cousin.  She was thanking me for what she never did ask for, my blessing for the use of my dad! 

My dad never did mention anything about this either, but he is often forgetful.  But this was the BRIDES responsibility!  Granted it isn't as fun as trying on wedding gowns, but it is her job to take care of this properly none the less.    But I was yet to learn just how unimportant me and my feelings were to her.   All of a sudden, with just two months to go until the wedding, according to the letter she wants me in her wedding as a hostess!

I don't know what made me want to jump for joy more. Knowing that objects like cakes and gowns had months more planning under them than my role in the wedding, or the fact that I wasn't even worthy of a VERBAL request to be in the wedding!   Ah yes, and she ended the letter by saying that if I had any questions, I should contact her wedding planners (implying don't contact her).  The wedding planners weren't even professionals, just another cousin and a family friend.   She was just classless and trying not to clean up her mess properly.

My best guess is that just like her mom was so excited to tell my mom about how she was going to ask for my blessing, my aunt was excited enough to blurt out back to my cousin what she had said to my mom.  Thus creating a situation where my cousin had to cover her a$$ by thanking me and asking me to be a hostess.   The day of the wedding I didn't even have any duties.   The bride was stationed in a tent until her outdoor wedding started.  I was suppose to be some sort of a liason between her in the tent and the wedding planners at the ceremony site.  What ended up happening is that I couldn't even sit at the ceremony like a real guest.   I was asked to stay in the tent for the whole thing!

So why harp on this some might ask?  Well she never did apologize. She sends me $20 checks for my birthday, but she is too good to apologize.  But also I have a inkling ( as well as a wish)  that her marriage is awful.   She has continued the attitude of entitlment and strange behaviour and she always tries to show off her marriage and family as being perfect as much as she possibly can.

lovingone lovingone
41-45, F
4 Responses May 5, 2010

"... On a happy note, i think her marriage could tank soon. ..." LOL.


I'm going to buy a cake that day and celebrate. I honestly am for the miserable day that I can't get back that didn't have to be like that.

Yikes. I hope you don't have to see her again. If she ever asks you for another favour, you should refuse. <br />
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But, did you ever tell her how you felt about this? If you told her how you felt, her reaction would probably tell you whether she is a sociopath or she was just scatterbrained and stressed out because of her wedding. I think you said you've never been married, but I'm not sure. If you haven't, marriages are really, really stressful, and some people are not very organized in general (like me). She could have just been overwhelmed by things. You should try to talk to her about your feelings.

Thanks. I think my cousin and I are two very different people. She is the "typeA", never had to appologize, always right, always perfect, entitled type.

I am the always looking out for the feelings of others type. But I don't think there can be a resolution.

On a happy note, i think her marriage could tank soon. Her useless unemloyed husband is always complaining of "ailments" (druggie maybe?) And she got 3 kids out of him. So maybe the divorce is coming soon.

Sorry for the delayed response. And thank you. It really is astonishing the cr@p some people will pull isn't it?

Had to read your story. Shame you could not just zipped up her tent and left her in there!!! but then you would have been sinking to her level. If her marriage is perfect and her family is as well then it begs the question, why does she have to show everyone, it should reveal itself. Sounds like Bridey needs to see a Doctor, one that specializes in Head Trauma, she definitely is whacked out her gord. "Physician Heal Thyself'?????"