Abuse Times Two

I was abused by my sisters; one which was 14 years older than me and the other was less than a year younger than me. Sister? What is that....my tormentors; the monsters in the shadows. I was kicked, punched, choked, suffocated, hunks of hair pulled out, burned, hair cut off, locked in closets, hit with chairs, had concrete blocked dropped on my ribs, knocked down stairs, hit with ropes, called names, made fun off, and cloths ripped off and thrown outside; just to name a few. Everyone in the family knew this was going on and they would tell me to fight back. FIGHT BACK? REALLY? MAKE THEM STOP!!! I am a victim of emotional, physical, and mental abuse and I was neglected by my parents or this wouldn't have happened. Unfortunately is the emotional abuse continues when I try to forgive these bullies. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I confronted my other sister which claims that she didn't know, she said she would have stopped it if she knew....how did she not know? It happened everyday! I would come home from school clean the house, make the beds, start cooking dinner, and clean up after everyone ate and then the hell would begin. It happened like clock work. It never stopped. I just wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself every single day. Was I really put on this earth to be abused?

Now that I am an adult, I kept to myself and stayed away from them. After my younger sister got divorced she has decided that she wants to be around me all the time, she wants to be close to me, she always wants me there. But, recently I realized I am still being abused by her. I am called and cussed out and don't know why, she will call me and harass me until I give her money, if I don't give her money or what she wants she will tell everyone horrible lies about me and turn the rest of the family against me, she is making my life a living hell.

I am beginning to want to die again. I don't understand; these women had messed me up for life. I can't trust people, I don't know how to let my guard down, I don't know how to love, I don't know how to live. I stay in my house, I have no friends, no husband, and no life outside of work. I don't talk to people at work because I know there is an angle that they are working. I get up and check the doors to make sure they are locked all night long, I walk in my sleep and my kids have told me I fight and cry in my sleep. I don't want them in my life but, at the same time I do. I feel like I need to have family in my life but I hate them. I hate women; I can't help it. I don't trust women and I don't trust men after 20 years of mental and physical abuse from my ex-husband.I don't even trust my thinking anymore. Even worse, I hate myself.
Catanny Catanny
2 Responses May 12, 2012

bloddy hell this dont sound good try and stay strong things will eventully work out xx

Hey I have been physically and emotionally abused but there are good people in the world. Why would some people be venerated as saints then? I made friends with good people and they have supported me a lot. You too must not give up on people. Are you a good person? Then of course there are people just like you out there too.