I've Always Been Told "i Can't"I was told I could never sing on Broadway because I was too tall, not cute, and had too big of a voice. I was told and forced to sing opera from the age of 14. I hated it then and was in love with musical theater.
My mother told me when I was applying for college that I could never do anything except opera and music education because I wasn't smart enough to do anything else.
She said I was too stupid to write my college application essays and was unable to fill it out. She did it all.
She said I could never survive if I wanted to move out of the house. I could never live in the real world.
When I when to a music conservatory to study opera, my mother told me I couldn't change my major becase she would pull all funding from my education.
When I eventually fell in love with opera and was considered the best singer at my school, my teacher told me to give up singing because I couldn't handle it. During that time no one realized I had ADD. I couldn't 'get it' on her time schedule. I also had the uncanny ability to get one illness after another. I was falling behind. I was also battling with depression and was often overwhelmed with emotion to reach my full potential. I gave up my new dream because she told me to.
To this day I have nightmares. I have so many nightmares because I gave up. I still long to sing Russian and German opera. I knew my potential. I was told by countless teachers at my school that I was a rare Wagnarian Soprano. I was a powerhouse that could last for hours with my endurance. I have a beautiful sound.
Instead I went to a photography school and took out loans for my graduate degree. Now I am holding myself back. I've been told so often 'I can't that now I'm telling myself that I can't. It's always in my head. I will forever second guess and doubt my abilites. I haven't gotten anywhere.
whitecat22 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 Jan 25, 2011