Will I Ever Find Love?

So Ive been fat ever since I was a kid. And Im the eldest one in the family. So when some of my cousins turned out to be a little chubby, it was all my fault! cuz i was the oldest! they naturally had to follow me ! LOL

Anyways, whenever I'm with family, I'm constantly being compared to my cousin, who is the same age as me, and much more :prettier" and "skinny". She is after all my cousin, my sister, I want to love her, but her mom cant stop praising her, how beautiful she is and blah blah and my mom keeps numb, liker Ive done something wrong that im not as beautiful as her. Well, i have their genes in me!!! This cousin is getting married day after tomorrow, and Im still single, and elder, so you can imagine the pressure I am under :(

Being fat has always brought my self confidence down. I cope up with the truth but BAM! your family is there to remind u of how the whole world is beautiful and u r the only ugly one!

I am a working professional, Ive graduated from one of the best colleges of India, Im intelligent and Im smart, but somehow, people only see that Im fat! and that I have a freckled face!

When I was in college, a really cute guy liked me, I thought he was cute too, and when I came 2 know he liked me, we instantly ended up in a relationship, because I have always thought that I will never ever be able to get a man of my choice. Our relationship lasted almost five years, but when I look back, I find that I was lying to myself. I didnt love him, I just thought that he is my best chance at love. He loves me I think, but then sometimes I think its only because of the physical relationship. Over the last year, I had been feeling trapped in this relationship, but was not able to end it because of the fear that I'd never get anyone else. But recently, we broke up. Ever since we parted ways, I have kept myself busy with work and am working out religiously. I know I can never be slim because I have the PCOS curse :(  I had started feeling better about my body image as well as my breakup, when my family again reminded me about how fat I am and how my "beautiful" cousin is getting married to a handsome, rich guy and how I am an eyesore in the otherwise "perfect" setting. This has just broken me. I am fat, I am 169 cms, weigh 86 kgs, but there is more to me people! I'm not a decorative item, I'm a human being!!!!

Anyways, now I am single and fatter than before. And I'm at a junction in my life where I have less than an year to find love (i.m 26, and by indian standards, I need to be married asap!)  ), or else will end up getting married to a guy my parents choose for me... I don't want to be such a loser! I want to find love, but I don't know if he is out there. I feel I can never find a decent guy because people are gonna reject me because I'm fat.

What should I do?
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 12, 2013