I Need to Heal This Pain

the only saving grace in this is that it could have been so much worse i suppose. but i really need to deal with it so i can move on without all these haunting regrets and feelings of stupidity that i believed him. because i believed what he said i sold my house and spent a lot of money on the relationship, only to be dumped with no car but at least i got to keep the caravan. no wonder some of my friends stopped talking to me, thinking back it was probably quite obvious to everyone else that i was just being used, but i was floating on cloud 9 because i thought i had finally found my true love.
fremantle fremantle
36-40, F
3 Responses Apr 21, 2007

just be thankful that you walk away with you life. I know women that are not here to tell there story.<br />
<br />
I pray that God will continue to give you wisdom.<br />
<br />
God speed

Bonobabe, you have said it all so magnificently!!! Bravo!

I know a woman (my mother) that ruined her reputation, spent $40,000, and became the laughing stock of our town. She loved a man that loved cocaine. After the realization sunk in of what she has allowed to happen, she drifted through depression, alcoholism, and ruined the rest of her career.<br />
<br />
I tell you this because we all have been used and the question we are left is, "Why was I so stupid?" And the answer is...drum roll...because we believed. We believed in the person, we believed what they said, and we believed in what we felt. To believe is not bad, we just chose the wrong person to believe in.<br />
<br />
Well then, who is the right person? Someone that proves to us that they are worthy of our belief system and that have earned our trust. This process takes more than a few weeks, months, and sometimes years. You will develop your trust test to apply to new people and it will be derived from this experience.<br />
<br />
Do not despair over what you have lost, anything material you've lost you can regain. You have been taught a beautiful lesson (yes it doesn't feel beautiful but one day it will), the lesson of being reserved. Next time, and yes their will be a next time, you will be more selective and you will know what to look for and what you do not want again.<br />
<br />
The person to have earned your trust, and you will test him thoroughly and run him through the mill, will truly earn your love. And after that grueling marathon of should or shouldn't I trust him, the love will be sweeter on the other side.<br />
<br />
Do not beat yourself up, gather yourself up and say, next time. Learn from this, heal, and take away from all of this, a new sense of self.