I was used by a man living on the "down low"...

For over twenty-two years I was used by my ex as a cover for his lifestyle. He is a retired canadian military man and used myself and our children as his cover to protect his homosexual/cross dressing lifestyle so that he could save face in his occupation. We have been separated for four years and to this day he has never apologized for his betrayal. Save for my children...I have lost the opportunity to truly be happy...22 years that I can never get back. Wasted on a self-serving and ignorant man. The humility that I had to face when asking my doctor for STD and HIV tests. Thank goodness I am healthy, and have found a truly good man that I can share my life with. I have never told my children why we split-up...perhaps I should so that they too can look for signs that I may have missed throughout the years. Today he continues the masquerade by dating a woman who is now just another "victim". Cathy will have to find out the hard way...this is a man who cares for no one but himself.

formermilitarywife formermilitarywife
3 Responses Mar 15, 2009

It has been proved that Children who are raised by an alcoholic will either become an alcoholic or marry one.
This is a well known fact in Psychology + Psychoanalysis. So the question is , If you have Daughters, do you really want them to seek out qualities in a partner that their Father Had? This seeking out of characteristics, Personality traits, beliefs etc of the Parent is an unconscious process so they won't even know they're doing it if you don't tell them.

I just discovered that the guy I have been involved with for several years is down low. He and I had discussed the importance to me of being in a monagamous relationship. He swore that I was the only one, how much he loved me, and eventually we moved in together. It has now been six months of iving together and it has been the most difficult time due to the suspicious behaviors and other things that have led to my conclusion. I do not want it to be so easy for him to move on to the next person without some cost for what he has done to me. I have moved out. I don't want another woman to find out the hard way. Any suggestions?

Expose Him! He is the devil

Uhh kinda crazy because the Canadian military doesn't care if someone is gay or not. It's the American one that has the don't ask don't tell policy.<br />
<br />
As for telling the kids.... my thought would be to ask myself why I was telling them and what purpose does it serve? As far as I can see, not knowing the whole situation, all it accomplishes is hurting the relationship with your kids to their father.<br />
<br />
Again not knowing the whole situation... cross dressing is one thing being homosexual is another. Cross dressing is about what feels good when looking in the mirror and generally has nothing to do with sexual orientation.