At sixteen I met my now husband and a few months after meeting got pregnant with our now 13 year old son. When I met my husband all those years ago I was heartbroken and sad over having left the place (NY) I had lived and loved along with my friends and boyfriend. Mom didn't like the crowd I hung with and decided to move us back to our home state (NC). My husband was loving and caring and there for me. We grew close, even closer after I got pregnant. My mom and his mom both tried to separate us but nothing worked. We loved each other very much and I thought less and less of my old boyfriend with every passing day, month and year. Until, he ( My ex) got locked up. Smh I felt so sorry for him. I blamed myself for his misfortunes. Maybe had I obeyed my mother then she wouldn't have made the decision to leave (she once reviled that to me) and he wouldn't have made those bad decisions that led him to prison. When my best friend whom is also his (my ex) cousin called and asked if he (my ex) could write to me I felt obligated to let him. The way he was snatched out of my life left me heartbroken and wondering what if? Do you remember your first crush? Well he was mine and he had a thing for me and knowing that made me even hotter for him. So when I got that first letter from him I fell in love all over again. So what happens when you're in a relationship and in your heart you start to stray? My boyfriend (now husband) was in a way neglected. And by the way my sweet boyfriend cheated on me before I started talking to my ex so don't go feeling sorry for him just yet. He was 20 at the time and the girl was 15 and his mother's foster daughter (another long complicated tail). Oh and I should add also that when he cheated I was in NY living with our 11 month old and my mom. I left my boyfriend in our home because I couldn't say no to my mom at that time (another difficult situation or story of my life) and so while I was away he cheated with his foster sister, a young girl who got butterflies whenever he was near whom he take advantage of. Her mom had died leaving her and her broth to live with an aunt and uncle but after she reviled that the uncle had been sexual with her her aunt threw her out and she was placed in my mother in laws home.. See I've gotten off topic. I should mention that when I came back to NC that it was my family and his family members that told me about the cheating, he denied it until after we got married but know in my heart that he had cheated made it easy to write to my ex. So I did. For almost the whole 7 years he was locked up. My ex and I grew close through those letters. He meant a lot to me but I chose to, after his release from prison to bed him instead of befriend him outside of prison and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I threw our friendship away. Its been over a year since his release and a little less then that since I last spoke to him. Did I tell you that last year before he was released I took my and my husbands children and moved to NY to be with my ex (or so I thought)? Worst move I've ever made. Taking our children away from their dad. Smh at myself still til this day. Do y'all know what prison letters are? Apparently they're letters prisoners write to you in order to pass time. Funny thing is, I use to tell my husband that I was only a means of entertainment to my ex even though in my heart that wasn't the case. I had gotten played and let my ex disrespect my children by allowing him to kiss me in front of them once. My ex once told me (before he was freed) that he wanted me to be his friend and that he didn't want me to cheat on my husband and that he'd rather I get devorced and marry him. He wasn't a bad guy rather I made a bad decision that cause me to lose a friend and my husbands trust. My husband use to call me his good girl but since has said that I'm no longer thurts. It hurts looking back at how I've defiled myself and I've asked God and my husband for forgiveness and hope that my ex will forgive me too.
truloveit84 truloveit84
31-35, F
Aug 20, 2014