I Don't Think I Will Ever Have a Boyfriend Or Even Want So-call Friends.

I am 19 years old and I don't technically ever have a bf. I get creep out by guys especially, because I have so many bad experiences dating. And I don't understand why the guy that I don’t care for are after me (sometimes aka stalkers) and the ones that I like have no interested in me. What worst is I am going to go into construction management, so I feel like I have to be this tough girl to be taking seriously due to my age and special personality type. (When I say special I means I get my personality from my experience, struggle of being supported, student government, retail, and other life experiences).
I think I have two choices for love, keep searching and dating guys to see if they are right one for me...(which will probably leave me with more ringing headaches...)

or

Don't date and focus on school and job because I need to support myself through college.
I just fear I will end up along.


My guy friend even said that he could see me as a old cats lady. Which really hurt my feelings. I afraid to end up alone like that but I don't want to waste time pleasing everyone. I am already helping taking care of my 1.5-month niece (lack of sleep), full-time school, mentoring other students, and making time for friends. I don’t even have time to work on my referral-base job.
I reach the point of a breakdown last week. Because I have so-call friends who are mad at me because I didn't spend enough time with them eventhough, now I barely ever have enough sleep. I feel kind of sad that i made time for so-call friends over the summer and I didn't have a chance to spend with my hometown friends.:(

I make a decision and I am not sure if it right.

But I think that after this week I will go be able to go back to my apartment (I glad my relatives will come back to assist my sister-in-law, I am tired of being a housemaid), look for a fix-income overnight job (second job) so I support myself, and study hard in school.

I also feel like it time for me to leave my so-call-needy friends and forget about  having a relationship.

Maybe I wont find love and end up like what my guy friend predicted - a old lonely lady. Wait come to think of it, he doesn't have a social life either, is he telling me the truth or he is just making me feel bad?
I am afraid to be alone but I want to someday get a good job and help support my mother (who is sick, have disability, and still working so that she can support me). My dad and brother think I should quit community college to do nails. My mother is the only one that believes that I can go to college and become what I want to be- a land developer.

I think I know what I am going to do but I just need to be reassured. Any perspective or ideas would be helpful too.  
Nelehhiennart Nelehhiennart
18-21
2 Responses Oct 19, 2008

you are still very young and i admire you for struggling to support yourself...you seem ok actually...you have friends

Sounds like you have a good plan. Take a break from dating to focus on school/career. If you cut dating out for awhile I'm sure you'll have time catch up with your friends. <br />
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Take care of yourself! You may not want to be a professional manicurist, but getting your nails sharpened from time to time is not a bad idea.