Well, He Didn't Actually Kill Himself But...

I was in a very confusing and difficult relationship with an ex-boyfriend.  He was the dangerous, tough, crazy type guy.  This is the same ex-boyfriend that I wrote about in another story.  Not only was he constantly in trouble with the law, he was the type of guy who thought he could get away with having 2 girlfriends at once, plus many girls on the side.  A "player" and so proud of himself for it in front of his friends.

I caught him on it and broke up with him.  This wasn't the first time we broke up.  He always begged me to come back to him.  Threatened horrible things if I didn't...

This time, after I broke it off, I ran off with another guy. We went out of town for a few days, but I had to come back to grab my things from my ex-boyfriend's. I was hoping he wasn't there, but he was.

I ran upstairs to the room where I had a bunch of things and he followed me and locked us both in the room. "I'm leaving and you can't stop me this time!" I screamed at him. "don't you love me? I can't live without you!" he screamed back. He pulled out a knife from his pocket and held it over his wrist. "I'll do it if you try to leave! I'll do it if you won't come back to me!"

I was frozen in fear. I had memories of watching him overdose on random pills to try to kill himself that way. He didn't take enough because I ripped them away from him and flushed them all down the toilet. This time, there was the knife. He was strong and if I tried to go for it, I would either completely fail, or the knife could slip and cut me instead.

I tried to talk him out of it. I was not going to cave back into him, but I couldn't live with myself if I let him kill himself over me. "you've been cheating on me all along and it's just not right! I've given you too many chances already. You have other girls to be with. If you love me as much as you claim, you will let me go and you will let me be happy and you won't hurt yourself. I'm not the last girl on Earth"

I was crying now and begging him to stop. He went for it and I pulled his wrist away, almost getting myself cut in the process. The swing was fierce and it would have gone deep. It came down and cut a hole in the mattress. I tried to pry his fingers of of the knife, but he was too strong and too fast. He had that crazy rage look in his eyes. We went on screaming at each other for at least another half hour and he tried to slice again. This time, I caught both of his arms and used all the strength I had to pull them apart before the knife touched his wrist.

It went on and on and he finally caught me off guard and the knife reached contact with his arm. He hacked at it a good number of times with all of his strength and blood was everywhere. I was screaming and tears blurred my vision and then I noticed that he cut the top side of his wrist and not the dangerous part. He flipped his arm over at the last second. He was now holding the bloody knife back up in the air.

"Think I'm kidding now? Huh!? I'll give you one last chance or I'll really do it!" I never thought he was kidding. I knew better than that. Finally, I caved. "alright. I'll stay with you." I said in a small voice. "just please, please, give me the knife." My whole body was shaking. His muscles loosened and he gently brought the knife down and handed it to me. His face softened and he whispered "I love you" and he hugged me. "I love you too" I whispered back, lying to him. I loved him enough to not let him kill himself, least, but I didn't love him in the way to have a relationship with him.

The cuts on his arm were very deep. We went to the hospital and he needed stitches. I can't remember the number. 12 or 13 maybe? He told them that a window broke and glass came down on his arm so they wouldn't put him in the crazy unit. I don't think that they believed him, but they couldn't hold him there with out proof, so after the stitches, they let him go.

I stayed with him for a few more days before I tried to break up with him again. He didn't do anything as horrible but he still made his threats. It was at least 5 more months of craziness before I finally left and was able to stay gone for good.

cinymin cinymin
18-21, F
1 Response Oct 27, 2006

Hi,<br />
I just recently emailed you about stalking, so after doing that the page asked me if i wanted to return to your profile, so i did. CRAP!! Have you ever had a rough time in life. I truly hope that things are better for you now, there is only so much crap a person can go through before they lose it. You are definately a survivor and thank you for sharing the parts of your life that you have so far. Some people say they have had a hard life but they don't really know what hard is. You obviously do simply because you have had to live it. Hang in there, I don't think anything can bring you down after what little I have read. Trish