The Little Ray of Sunshine

I had had Skyla for about 2 years and she was such a good girl.  She always came when I called her - she gave unconditional love all the time - dogs are so brilliant like that - us humans have a lot to learn.  She had her funny quirky ways - she would leap up onto my lap, or anyone sitting down for that matter.  Then she would throw the back of her head up against my neck and indicate she wanted a love.  Whenever I kissed her she always made this funny little content sound - she was such a funny dog and so, so loving. 

When she was about 6 months old I took her to RSPCA dog training.  She was so obliging and a fast learner.  The one thing I always had problems with was walking her on a lead; being such an active dog she wanted to rush ahead.  I tried for about 18 months to walk her with a halti - she hated it and just never got use to it.  She would try and pull it off all the time and then she would drop in the grass and just wouldn't walk any further unless the halti was removed.  In reality - if I always walked her in open fields, she wouldn't need a halti because she always came when called and never romed far.  Sometimes I walked along the road with her so I needed to use something that she would walk sensibly with.  On Friday I went into Better Pets and Gardens and bought my mum a plant.  I took my dog into the store with me and it just happened to be that the lady who served me was a dog trainer.  She showed me to get Skyla to stop from pulling - all I had to do was shake the lead slightly side to side.  I couldn't believe it - it worked perfectly.  So I could now walk her with just her head collar.

Yesterday mum and I decided we would go for a long walk to the shops and we took Skyla with us.  She was looking rather tired so I picked her up and put her in my bag with her head and paws leaning over the top.  She looked content and I told mum I would carry her up to the newsagency then let her down to walk.  I had her at the front of me and I still remember her looking so happy and looking at me with her loving eyes.  She was panting a lot and I was worried that she was getting hot so I put her down to walk.  I gave mum the lead to take Skyla and I carried the bag.

As we were walking along the footpath on the main road we passed a man who was raking leaves up near the bus stop.  I moved in front of mum and then I just heard mum say, "No, Skyla, no no, it's ok".  The noise from the rake had scared her and she was pulling away from my mum to get away from the noise.  I turned and it all happened so quickly and she was pulling her head out of the collar and then got free.

She moved onto the road and I screamed "Skyla" and she looked at me with her head turned to the left and all the cars were coming and it hit her with a thud.  She went flying through the air and then she was laying on the road and her eyes were rolling in her head and she looked in so much pain.  I couldn't bare to see her in pain and I went and hid behind the bus shelter.  Mum stood with her and then she let out a yelp and was gone.

I feel so lost without her.  I keep thinking, why didn't I put the collar on tighter?  Why didn't I carry her like I was going to?  Why did the cars have to come along at that time - a few moments later there were no cars at all?  If I had jumped out to grab her I would have just had a broken leg or arm but she would still be here today.  Why couldn't I be strong enough to be with her in those seconds she died?  Was she scared?  Was she in pain?  Has she gone to heaven?  Why do I feel so empty?  

I keep going to the back door expecting her to be there.  We buried her in her favourite field where she loved to run.  We put her toys in with her - she loved them so much.  I miss her so much.  Why can't I turn back time?  I keep telling mum it was my fault because I should have put the collar on tighter.  She says, no, God wanted her - it was her time.  She was only 2 years old.  She was too young.  I feel so lost and empty.  I just want my baby girl back.