Why Do I Do This..ugh

I have a lover who always says he'll call, but never does, unless he wants something. I always give in. I would call him and he said I'll cal you after work. That came and went. Alwys the same.. I realize I turned myself into a door mat for him. Not his fault, all mine. I resent the fact that he never said thank you for the money I lend him, or the rides I gave him. I always offered, knowing he needed it. He would hint about it, knowing in would give in. The problem is I still want him. I want him to want me. He never will the way I need.
I am listening to the sound " you find out who your friends are" and know he would not be there for me. If this was happeningnto my friend, I would say " get out" !! Run!! You are better than this. Believe in yourself. Alas I have a hard time for me.

I have vowed not to contact him at all. He left town days ago, and said he would call, etc.. Not yet.. I am writing this to stop me from contacting him.. I guess if I lose out on some money( gave him some) I should be thankful.

Oh yeah, last time we were "tapping it" he mentions is girl he met and hooked up with. Really right after we were done. Your mind is on someone else.. I was pissed, and called him out on it the next day..he had no idea what I was talking about. Liar..
He needed a ride from me, so he acted all nicey nicey.. I know he couldn't wait to get back to her..

I'm better now that I vent.. But I know I will slip again soon, until get this addiction out of my system..

Thanks for listening
Newgonegirl Newgonegirl
46-50, F
3 Responses May 12, 2012

I haven't been here in a while.. Didn't think I needed you..wrong! I have kept in contact with him since may..on and off.. He has come home several times and if course we hook up..he says he'll call, and doesn't..last time I saw him we had a awesome time..he has mentioned this several times when we text..sexting. Then nothing..he will not contact me for weeks..I say I am not going to contact him, then I fail.. I know we throw crumbs at each other..ugh. He is suppose to come home for christmas, and I fear I will slip.. I know he has a girl where he is at, I hope he doesn't contact me, yet I want him to..my ego?

I haven't been here in a while.. Didn't think I needed you..wrong! I have kept in contact with him since may..on and off.. He has come home several times and if course we hook up..he says he'll call, and doesn't..last time I saw him we had a awesome time..he has mentioned this several times when we text..sexting. Then nothing..he will not contact me for weeks..I say I am not going to contact him, then I fail.. I know we throw crumbs at each other..ugh. He is suppose to come home for christmas, and I fear I will slip.. I know he has a girl where he is at, I hope he doesn't contact me, yet I want him to..my ego?

Small update.. It's been 1 month since he left.. I texted him, briefly.. No response at all. Last week, I received a Facebook request from him, which I thought was odd. I texted him about it, and he said he needed contacts.. I was nothing special. He didn't want to talk to me, he needed an account with friends attached. Figures.. I kept it cool, till I said I miss you. He said yeah **** wasn't cutting it.. I was hoping he would say me too.. Nope, not from him..I said he should buy a plane ticket to see him..no response.. I left it saying u never have time for me.. He texted me back hours later and wanted to know when I get away to visit him..I did not respond<br />
Until sat night, when I was buzzed.. I texted something about needing a friend..no response, then sat night I sent me a pic.. No response.. Wow I get it, just takes me a little longer than some.. I had faith in him.. Silly me..I doubt if he will contact me when he comes home in aug. Don't know how to handle that.. Looking at using him as a booty call..he won't call!

Please stay strong....the longer you don't speak to him the easier it gets!

p.s. try to not lend a man you like money....that way you will always know he's not with you just for that!

Please get out of this and save your sanity and respect for yourself. It doesn't sound like he respects you at all. And there is no place for disrespectful men in your life. If you want to have sex, have sex. No money lending, no deep emotional attachments. If you want a lifetime partner be very picky and don't ever settle for someone who treats you poorly.

Thank you for that honest and truthful comment. You are right! I am taking steps toward this. It is a process, but I do believe I can do it!!