The Best of the Best

What can i say.. i grew up living the life of a rather humble kid.. mostly keeping to myself and a circle of very close tight knit friends. there was five of us and i used to think of it as a fist.. together we could do anything. 

All that started the first day of Nursery and developed over the years.. so 20 some odd years of friendship in other words.

Every teacher i ever ran into had nothing but good things to say about me.  And little did i know they where forcing things upong me that i didnt even know.. testing me apparently.

So they kept testing me and i kept passing with flying colors.. More then flying colors actually. They wanted to put me in grade 1 right from nursery. That pattern followed right up until grade 5 i think. cant really recall its hard to think back on things these days.

OK to make things short in that part i would have been 13 or 14 and graduated high school. But at that age i even knew that it would be a good idea. I was hated for my intelligence and the only ones that had taken me for who i am was my friends i mentioned earlier.  Once i met them i couldnt leave them behind.

So i would try and make as much mistakes as possible with my work and sit there and mess around for the majority of the day then finish everything in the last half hour of classes. that or else i would make it look like i was working just to pass time.

Im going to tell you this.. its hard to be hated for doing something that gave you a release from everthing...and the funny thing was.. it was all easy.

When i got into high school it was a different story. well not in the being bullied department there was a sufficent supply of ******** and ******* to deal with.

Sometimes i would think that the most horrible people in the world went to my school.

This is about the time that i got introduced into the world of drugs and alcohol.

A cop came into my school and gave a presentation about the effects of drugs and alcohol and the only thing that i focused on was the words.."It kills your brain cells".

Being the little scientist i was i thought.. looks like thats my chance and being normal and being accepted. so the drinking and drugs began.

I became so lucid and basically not giving a **** about anything that i started slipping back on everything. i wouldnt do anything in school for like a month. and at the last week i would stay in my room for hours after school and stay up at all hours of the night so i can study and get my work down without anyone saying anything hurtful to me or bugging me.

All i can thank my school for really in the end was the complexes that i have now. Nothing there was a challange. The only challange was trying to keep all my problems hidden behind a pseudo smile and laugh.

If it wasnt for my friends i wouldnt be here today.

Anyway this is to much to get into so im going to skip to graduation.

I graduated as the most decorated student and stood infront of my best friends and commmunity the valvictorian. I won pretty much all the awards that day except for maybe 3 or 4 of all the ones awarded.

After i stood down from the podium when the ceremony was over i seen my family smiling and happy and my grandfather with his chest stuck out as far as he could stick it and i cried.

My tears were tears of joy because i was done with all that bullshit that i had to go through all my life. As my tears streamed down my face my family and people around me thought i was crying because of my accomplishments.. i was crying because i was finally done with all of the crap i had to deal with there.

I had a very very bright future of me.. my dreams of going to university and being in a place that would challange me and i would be with people that i would think would be on my level were comming true.

I made academics my life,yet that suffered because of false relationships and a drug addiction that i developed during my high school days.

My first year of university was a dream. I was finally happy. I was able to walk talk with my head up and looking forward rather then down at my feet before me.

But all those years of stress and what i found out later to be the cause of bad genetics i started feeling really horrible. This started when i was about to go into my second year

I would get mad, angry, totally uncaring, extremely happy and all that for no apparent reason.

I realized something was really wrong so i took time to schedule an appointment with the psychologists on campus. I told them everything.. and i mean everything. Everthing from trying to live up to everyones expectations of me , being hurt, being used and lied to by the women that said they loved me.....everything.

In my second year of university i was diagnosed with biploar disorder. I didnt know how to  handle it.. i thought my future was gone and my thoughts of having a happy and and healthy family of my own got tossed out the window.

I still think that now to be honest...my future is gone.

My addicitions consumed me at that time. I started getting angry at the people that loved me just to try and push them away so they wouldnt have to deal with me.

I would stand on bridges and look at the passing traffic below or the water and think this would be easy. But i would stop because from what i was told all my life i would go straight to hell if i tried to escape my mortal husk by taking my life.

I still feel empty today. But i just put on my mask and hid it all behind a smile. I only wish there was something to do about these sad brown eyes though..no real way to hide them.

All in all, i had it all and i was the best of the best. Now...im lucky if i fit in with just the rest.

Wolven Wolven
26-30, M
2 Responses Jul 14, 2007

I think if u give ur self a chance u'll discover that ur still the best :)

wow thanks for sharing your experience.<br />
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It was the same way for me when I got to high school.It is a sad world when a kid is ridiculed for being intelligent...the smart kids get teased mercilessly ......<br />
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Sorry to hear that you feel bad at times.I do too.and I am here should you ever need a good listener ...