I Went Through a Rape Case Trial


I went through a rape trial. OOOPS, let me correct that, I was a witness in a sexual assault trial. So from the get go, you can probably already see that I am somewhat bitter about this experience, and after you read this you might agree with me.


First off, apparently according to Canadian Law I was not a rape victim; I was the sole witness to a sexual assault. OK my anger starts RIGHT NOW!! Being called a witness to a sexual assault is, in my opinion a slap in the face. I was not a *witness* I was a VICTIM. It was not a sexual assault it was a RAPE.


A few years ago the Canadian Laws changed the term of Rape to Sexual Assault. This apparently was to let people know that this is an assault BUT guess what, it wasn’t an ASSAULT it was a RAPE. He did not use his penis to beat me up, say on my leg, where his penis left a few bruises, he used his penis and strength to RAPE me. He didn’t just assault my vagina; he RAPED me in everyway possible. He took my power away, he took my belief that people you have known for over a year CAN NOT be trusted. He took away part of my soul and part of my heart, with his penis being shoved into me for over three hours, so even though the POLITICALLY correct term is SEXUAL ASSAULT, it was and is and will always be in MY mind a RAPE.


After the three hour rape, and once I finally got into my home where I felt to a degree safe, the unbelievable ordeal of charging this man with sexual assault begins. First since the RAPE occurred in a different jurisdiction than where I lived, I had to recount my story to two different set of police officers, ALL of them were male. Couldn’t they have sent even one female officer, if only for support, to help me through the overwhelming situation of detailing this RAPE to every EXACT ugly detail, TWICE? Well I guess not, after all according to Canadian law I was not a victim just a witness. Take away what little power I felt I had left, why don’t you? Gee, I guess they did!!


So after, recounting this brutal story TWICE, I was than taken to the hospital for the typical RAPE kit. Well if I only knew now what I didn’t know than!! Quite simply put, I was in shock, to me that seems to be an adequate reaction to this brutal crime, but being in shock worked against me in trial. I was NOT hysterical through the rape kit experience; I wasn’t balling my eyes out or in need of sedation. I was in shock and therefore completely NUMB. WOW, I didn’t know I had to be hysterical during that examination, I didn’t know that my lack of emotion ( being numb ) would actually be used against me in trial, after all IF you have been sexually assaulted YOU must be HYSTERICAL. OOOOPS my mistake. Being numb and void of emotion is not the way a REAL RAPE victim is during the sexual assault case. NOTE TO SELF; cry hysterically IF this ever happens again!!


Alright, I wasn’t hysterical, but did anyone note that despite the fact that I HAD to keep all the medication down, after being raped, like the morning after pill and lord knows how many other drugs they told me I had to take for my own protection, did ANY one note that when I told them it was doubtful that I could keep them down due to how upset I was, and that I actually threw them up minutes after I ingested them, was THAT noted. OOOOOPS, no.

OK, than we have to get pictures done, well needless to say I was emotionally exhausted and I begged them to skip taking the pictures and PLEASE just take me home. WELL I have no rights since I am a mere witness, so despite my BEGGING to go home, I was completely ignored, I fell asleep in the police car and before I knew it they were ussuring me into the place where a police officer would photograph my injuries, DESPITE my complete exhaustion and overwhelming nausea. It appeared to me, that the police officers were getting frustrated with me because all I wanted to do was go home. OH WELL, what does it matter what I want, I’m just a witness. Well the police officer in charge of taking these types of photos was at home and I would have to wait until he could get to the precinct. So they ushered me into a very small room with no windows and that smelled of smoke. WELL I guess I really am a pain in the ***, because I asked them if I could wait elsewhere as the smell was adding to my nausea, AND if it was possible could I get some ginger ale, as it is the only beverage I can keep down when I am feeling physically ill. Well neither was possible, so the inevitable happened and I started to throw up. MY GOD, what a sin, a rape victim throwing up?. You think that I had done it purposely and that I had just killed a bunch of kittens and puppies by the way the police officers re-acted. Lord I’m surprised they didn’t toss me a bucket and a wash cloth to clean up my own vomit, BUT I did warn them. OH WELL, I’m just a witness.


Finally the police officer arrived who was in charge of taking the photos; well call me stupid but once again could a female police officer at least BE there to help support me in this ordeal? NOPE. Usually I could care less about the sex of a person and their job, usually I just want the best person to do it, BUT after being RAPED having ANY woman there as a support would have been GREATLY appreciated. Now that is not to say that the police officer that took the pictures wasn’t great because he was, he was the first person in this nightmare, that showed me compassion and despite the pictures he had to take he allowed me to have a sense of dignity, which is a testament to who he was as a person!!


Alright the worse is over, HA!! Now isn’t that a joke. All of that was a walk in the park in comparison to the actual trial that was delayed three times and took over 2 years to actually take place. Now the stress of any court date in a criminal case is obviously expected, but when you emotionally and psychologically prepare yourself for a specific date, and you arrive at the court house to be told perhaps 2 hours later that the trial is  being delayed for reasons that you are never told, after all YOU are NOT a VICTIM just a witness, than you have to go home and start the agonizing process all over again. Funny how the accused knew why the trial was delayed but I wasn’t privy to that information. In hindsight I now see the pathetic delays as his defense attorney trying to break me emotionally with the hope that I would drop the charges. Well despite his efforts it did not work, BUT if I knew now what I didn’t know than, I might have happily dropped the charges, as I had no clue how DISGUSTING and INVASIVE the trial would be.


ALRIGHT, after the delays we finally go to court. My Crown Attorney, OOOOPS not mine, she represented the people of Canada or Ontario, I’m not quite sure. BUT it became crystal clear that she most definitely did not represent the WITNESS, lol.. The police officers and the Crown Attorney told me a few times over that agonizing two years that this case was a SLAM DUNK, interesting use of words. They felt there was NO need for any other witnesses to be brought in on my behalf because I was so credible that it was by no means necessary. Well since I was a witness I of course was not allowed in the courtroom, however the defendant had a front row seat to EVERYTHING and his witness list was a mile long. Seeing the people who were his witnesses walk in and out of court I felt a deep sense of doom, and guess what? Rightly so!! Had my pathetic Crown Attorney, even bothered to look at the witnesses he was bringing in, she could have easily fought fire with fire, but NOPE, I was all that they needed, lol..


Well first off I was accused of *stalking* him. Why????? Because while injured I still went to the classes to view what was being taught. UT OH, that means I’m a stalker!! Had my Crown Attorney paid ANY attention to this, she could have easily brought in about 10 other people who went to class while injured, as it was quite often that people did this. One, because we were paying money to take these classes, and secondly in my case, we were very close to being tested for the next color belt, so being there allowed me to see what I needed to know once my injury healed so I could progress to the next belt, and my 2 other friends actually really encouraged me to be there so that they had a third set of eyes on what was expected from us to succeed to the next level, BUT no the only reason I was there was that I was obsessed with this man and had to see him DAILY!! OH Lord, if I only knew.


OK, I’m a stalker, OBSESSED with this man. Well did anyone bring up the fact that HE asked ME out. NOPE, I guess he did that as he feared my stalking so much so the best way to deal with a stalker is to date her. Hmmmm, does that sound odd? Alright I’m a stalker that accepted a date. YIKES, even if all that was TRUE, which by no means it was, does that give him the right to RAPE me? Well it appears so. Once on the stand my Crown Attorney asked me to recount the sexual assault/RAPE in detail. That is ALL she did. Well LOOK out because here comes his EXPENSIVE defense attorney. Well despite that my testimony was ALMOST identical to my initial statement made over two years ago, I did actually forget a few things. Well how could that be? How could I forget when exactly he ripped off my clothes, how could I miss that by two minutes? Gee, could it possibly be that for over the past 2 years I was doing my BEST to forget it ALL, nope it really meant that I was a liar. Alright, I’m now an obsessive stalker who lies. THAN I made an ENORMOUS mistake …. Apparently IF I had been RAPED, on my way home, I WOULD have stopped at the NEAREST location and beg for help, BUT lets not bring up the fact that this man was driving his car following me, making me feel like even when I got to my own home, I didn’t feel safe enough to leave my car. SO because I supposedly just been raped by a man that I had known for over a year the FACT that I didn’t stop my car, with him in pursuit, along a dark road and into the gas station and I DIDN’T trust a stranger after being raped by a man I knew and TRUSTED, than again I must be lying, after all the typical rape victim would seek help from ANYONE??????!!!


OK, stalker, obsessed, liar, couldn’t remember minute details and didn’t stop a stranger to ask for help. Gee this deck was getting big and my, oops not mine, but the Crown Attorney sat in her chair saying NOTHING. I occasionally would rebut the idiotic questions his ******* lawyer asked, but OH NO, not allowed, I was told I could be held for contempt!! HOLY ****!!. Alright I have now felt re-raped not by my original rapist but by the so called justice system. Now the piece that OBVIOUSLY meant I was not raped. OK, I didn’t cry during the sexual assault examination. WELL gee, I thought the fact that I was in shock and numb and totally void of feelings would mean SOMETHING, but I was NOT allowed to express that, or I would be in contempt and since the lazy *** Crown Attorney continued to sit on her *** ALL that information was not allowed to be spoken. ALL she had to do was say, why didn’t you stop along that dark road to get help, why didn’t you cry during that examination, why did you go to class when injured, but HELL that would have meant she had actually worked on the case, which the Judge actually in the end TOLD her she didn’t!!


OK, well there was no big surprise that he was found NOT guilty; hell his lawyer did his job!! And let us not forget that HE does have all the rights and that I have none. There is MUCH more I could add to the ugliness and vulgarity of this experience but it would only pain me to do so.


I chose not to go to the verdict part of the trial, because I knew what the verdict would be, and I knew that I could not STOMACH seeing this ***** found not guilty, so I stayed home while my ex and my girlfriend went to the verdict. OH just an aside, despite the fact that I begged him to stop for three hours and the fact that I said NO at least three dozen times, well I didn’t say it LOUD enough, silly me, knowing that the music was on loud enough for no one to hear me BUT him, since I didn’t SHOUT it, I probably didn’t say it either. Lets also remember that this man had three different types of black belts, all at high degrees, went to the World Championships twice and the Olympics once, physically was there even a remote possibility for me to get away from him, ummmm I think NOT. OK the judge walks into the courtroom, and starts to read his decision. He prefaced it with the fact that in his opinion I was 100% credible, and that in HIS opinion there was NO doubt that a sexual assault took place ….. BUT ….. He than announced that the Crown Attorney did NOT do her job and because of that he had NO choice but to declare the ***** NOT GUILTY!! Well HOLY crap, where is the Justice? Why can’t the Judge announce him GUILTY despite the fact that the Crown Attorney did not do her job. I have been trying to get an answer for that question now for YEARS …. But once again I was just a witness, so I have ZERO rights with regards to all of this. Well the Judge did say that I, if I wanted, could and probably should, start a civil case. WOW, is he nuts!! lol There is NO sum of money I would even think would be worth going through ANYTHING like this again.


Would I do it now? Go through a criminal trial, with the knowledge I have now, SADLY the answer is NO, and for all the women and men that do not go through this process, I can now say I KNOW why. The system SUCKS!!

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
10 Responses May 15, 2007

Hunt him down someday and --- ---

Thanks for sharing this. I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I'm on my third court date postponement spanning two years and I don't think I can go through the mental anguish that occurs a month before the trial date again. I was suicidal before the last one only making it through with the support of my family and friends. The trial is postponed for over six months this time. By the time the case goes to trial it will have been over five years since the assault. The system is terrible. And I fully agree with you about the witness status given to victims is a slap in the face. Thanks again, although I am so sorry for what you went through it helps to know that someone eles out there understands.

So much for human rights and democracy!

That's an incredibly messed up system you are stuck in. I am so sorry tha t you were treated this way by the system that should be defending you. <br />
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You sound so strong, though. I'm sure you don't always feel that way, but you obviously are a total winner. Keep going!

NO. After i was raped i never went near the bastard again. Prior to the rape and for those who had not been raped it was common practise by MANY that even if you could not take the class you would go and watch it, Many people would come to class who couldn't take it to see what was being taught so wh the injury healed you would have some idea of what was expected of you.

Are you saying that after this man raped you, you attended his class so you could "see what was being taught"????

I am appalled at what you had to go through, not only the original rape, but also the revolting mess that is Canadian rape law, and the utter insensitivity of the system. I can only hope that things improve in the future, so that no-one has to go through what you endured.

wow thats all i can say that really Freaking sucks, i am amazed at the amazing person you are being able to go through such bullshit. well if theres one thing i can so is send a virtual hug :) so (HUG) and thank God you have made it through such ordeal. Have a nice day today :)

Don't know what/how to say. This is a horror story that, thankfully, I have never had to live through. I am amazed that your x did not end up in jail for killing the bastard, I know that I would (typical male response, I know, but it fills me with rage to read this). But most of all, I am sorry that this happened to you.

I am SO sorry this happened to you. {{{{HUGS}}}}} I wish there was something better I could give to you. Prayers. that's the best I can do. Lots of prayers.