Everyone, Please Sit Down...

Those were the words of my new nurse.  The 4 of us looked at her like she had snakes coming out of her ears...sit down...what the ???

She explained her job, to make my life have quality....to be here for us, no need to call 911 if somethings happens, call her, she will take care of it all.

Where was this meeting going to???  What next?  As I looked around the room, my daughter was holding on to my grandson, my husband put his arm around me...they knew what was next, I did not.

They told my family how to say "Good-bye" to me.  She explained that sometimes I need to be told it is ok to go, whenever I am ready...

My daughter was crying, my grandson was crying, and with tears in his eyes, my husband kissed me.

Today, my heart cried....and no one could hear it.

Debijean Debijean
56-60, F
6 Responses Mar 17, 2009

"...The 4 of us looked at her like she had snakes coming out of her ears...sit down...what the ???"<br />
<br />
I can understand totally how you felt

Oh my, Debbijean....... Did they not offer you Palliative care? I think hospice has its place for old people but not with someone as young, vibrant and open minded as you are. It has been my experience over the years in health care that hospice people tend to become "desensitized" to end of life issues and can be crass while trying to make you and your family see the "reality" of what is happening. It's repulsive to me, to think that you and your family had to go through that. Like you all don't know the prognosis. Oh and your loved ones are not supposed to panic and call 911. Give me a freaking break. You worked in EMS, you've seen it all too. Palliative care is not the same as hospice care. The goal of palliative care is to relieve the pain, symptoms and stress of serious illness – whatever the prognosis. It is appropriate for people of any age and at any point in an illness. I would talk to a social worker about it and/or tell Hospice to send another person.<br />
I am sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. I cried reading this story. My heart is crying for you and your family. You are so strong and I admire you like you'll never know. We're here for you, Debijean.<br />
With love and understanding, All the best.<br />
Jojo

Yeah, that is what they told my family...it is almost my time....But I am with you PIP...I am going to fight this till the end, You Know...I am not giving in or giving up...I did decide to go the Hospice Home Care cause I want to make sure, that they keep track of how much better I will be doing soon, and they will all be surprised, won't they?

Debijean....I am shocked that she said that to your family!!...maybe i'm not looking at this properly, but i would think you would 'save' that conversation for when it seems you are 'taking your leave' as it were????...idk......correct me if i'm wrong please.........it's NOT TIME for that conversation, you ARE going to win, your beautiful soul will remain here on earth where it belongs!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
i know there are some 'people' who actually are told it's okay to 'go'.........my mother did that with her father.........BUT.........<br />
<br />
PIP is a little pissed right now.........:s

nonoperative Esophageal squamous cell carcinoma = throat cancer...can't talk anymore, don't eat or drink anymore, got a trach and feeding tube and a few ports, love life, and not worried about what they say, worried more about how this is breaking my families heart, and hate to see them going through this, me, I consider this a journey....to see life new and wonderful, to feel things I never took time for, you know, the old, stop and smell the roses....Now, I stop and look around and see what a wonderful life I have had, am living now, and will have in my heart forever. I am strong...I am going to win this battle and continue on my journey. You are so sweet for your wonderful comments and views...Debijean....

I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now; well, I guess that's all that I can do, is imagine - and I can also tell you that I am very sorry to hear about what you and your family must be going through. I do think you're very brave to write about your illness - may I ask what it is you have? Please know that we are all here, and we are praying for you.<br />
God Bless,<br />
Jj