Redneck Wedding.

I am obsessed with the show "Redneck Weddings", but, fortunately for me, I was able to attend one two years ago. 

It all started in early 2005, my second cousin met some girl on a telephone date chat thing.  They went out and had unprotected sex that very same night.  The girl became pregnant with their child.  She was only 19 at the time and my cousin was 32.  Well they kept dating and in early 2007, they had another baby.  That's when they decided it was appropriate to get married.

They sent out invitations for their wedding, stating that the reception would be fully catered and alcohol would be served, it was to be held at a local VFW.  But on the day of the wedding they called everyone to inform that they could not afford the VFW, so the reception was going to be held in the church recreation room.

At the wedding, the bride (a VERRRY large girl) appeared as though she was wrapped in one big white sheet, I was just shocked she'd been able to afford a gown and that her bridesmaids were all matching.  The MOB was squeezed into her younger daughter's prom dress, it was so skin tight that you could see the celluite in her butt as it jiggled when she walked down the aisle.  When they lit the unity candle, they had selected a country love song to be played, but whoever was in charge of the sound system didn't know which number the track was, so they played at least the first ten seconds of each song on the CD until they found it.  I had to control myself and try not to laugh each time the trademark country music fiddle playing started up.

Afterwards, when the bridal party lined up for pictures, my whole family jumped in, not just members of the wedding party.  So the pictures turned out very tacky.  In the reception, it was obvious they had put too much of their budget in the wrong places.  For instance, they had bubbles and M&M packs for every guest, but the centerpieces were so poorly done.  There were these huge glass bowls, filled with water, and only two floating candles in each.  They weren't even lit (I guess I overanalyze those aspects because I am training to become a bridal consultant).  They had a DJ, but there wasn't enough food for everyone. 

Then my aunt, who was messed on xanax and beer, cussed out the pastor's wife and got kicked out.  That was quite the show for us onlookers.  The groom, my second cousin, came up to me and told me that the real reason he'd married his new wife was because she "does everything he tells her to".  At the end of the night the bride and groom left for their wedding night at a local budget hotel.

urbrandofheroin urbrandofheroin
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 2, 2009

Hi, I am with CMT casting and we are currently casting for,” MY BIG REDNECK REUNION.” The hour-long special, hosted by Tom Arnold, will reunite one redneck family with a big-city slicker relative for a family reunion they’ll NEVER forget. If you and your family would like to reconnect with a relative who abandoned his or her country roots we can help! Please do not share this with your city slicker relative, as Tom Arnold will be surprising he/him and bring them home!!! You can contact me, Sammy Jo at redneckwedding@pinksneakers.net