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The Way An Alnon Member Treated Me

I'm a grateful member of alanon.  And I've posted a story in one of the alanon groups on Experience Project.  It was mostly about my mixed opinions and unresolve on an alanon book I'm reading.

Someone else claiming to be an alanon member commented on my post  and it was really passive aggresive and quite hurtful.  Alanon makes me feel safe to share things about myself, its a place where I can go and people respect me and love me.  This person was basically telling me how I should think and what was wrong with what I said.  I don't think they realized that I was only sharing how this book effected me and probably misunderstood what I was saying.  I don't really know what was up with this person, but nonetheless, it was hurtful and ofcourse, I overreacted in myself and suddenly doubted the safety, love, and respect for the rooms of alanon just because one person who claimed to be an alanon member who I've never even met was hurtful over the internet.  I suppose it was an over reaction, but I'm still hurt over it.

I guess I'm sharing this simply because in sharing it, I can hopefully let it go.  But I'm also sharing it because of an inkling of fear that the one place I feel safe and loved at, there might be people there that are perfectly willing to lash out and try to hurt another member.

In the real world, it is true that there are many people who are willing to hurt others and I know a few of them, but thanks to alanon, I have the self-respect and also the trust to know I am safe because I know how to keep my dignity and safety.  

In the rooms of alanon, I let my guard down quite a bit and feel safe automatically.  I have alot of trust, love, and respect for other members.  So, when this person claiming to be a member made these comments, I felt like the rooms of alanon were threatened.  It was a sad moment for me.  We're all human, we're all going to step on eachother's toes, but this was just outright hurtful.  I suppose that the reason I use the termonology of "claimed to be an alanon member" is because if this person really is an alanon member, that means that there are many alanon member willing to hurt eachother and that is just not the kind of people I want to associate with. I don't want to accept that someone in alanon is going to treat another member like this.  Ofcourse I have run into people in alanon that have rubbed me the wrong way, but I can love them even if I don't like them.  Thats the program thing to do.  If there are people in alanon willing to just outright hurt someone else like that, then I can just not have anything to do with them and that is a choice I have as alanon has taught me. I've learned how to live from alanon.

Realistically, I won't let some random person on the internet ruin my connection to alanon.  I'm just hurt by what this person said.  And I'm glad I can share about it.

FlyingNinjas FlyingNinjas 26-30, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2009

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I'm sorry you feel fearful now. I hate that feeling. I've had it quite a bit. Al-Anon and my thereapy is teaching me that I need to be able to take care of myself - love and nurture my own inner child using my loving parent self. Sometimes it is really hard because my wounded child wants something, feels desperate, and she is scared she can't get it. That's when I try step in and tell her that I (the loving parent and adult inside of me) will always be there for her and nurture her. I tell her she can feel her emotions as deeply as she wants with me. You might want to consider reading this blog: http://acoarecovery.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/rescuing-false-helping/