I Am Going To A Boarding School

I am 15 and attending one of the top 10 boarding schools in canada on scholar ship. I have very good grades and have acceled at the arts. It is a truly amazing place. And I hate it. Its this school, those people that made me start cutting. Everyone talks about how the thing that is the best are the friends you make and I literally have none. I eat alone at the cafetirea while enduring pitying stares. I sit alone in class and dont pair up for group assignments and instead do them alone. I am bullied and made fun of because I am the quiet bookworm. And no one ever suspects that the most mature and responible girl in the entire class would ever do something so stupid and thats what I count on. I am afraid to tell anyone because they might ask me to leave for a period of time to regain my "mental health" and I will loose my scholarship. I dont say any of this for pity but purley to say just because some one seems ok, dont assume they are.
flyawayforever flyawayforever
18-21, F
10 Responses Aug 25, 2011

Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for the out-pouring of support. I did end up telling my parents what happened when I was on the cusp of taking my own life. It was insane how completely oblivious people were! I am switching to a different boarding school next year because of the way the school dealt with the situation (which was horrifically) and also to give me a fresh start. Thank you all so much and I wish you all luck in your future en devours!

Your story was pointed out to me by @notheadboymaterial. He's right, your health and happiness comes first and screw your scholarship. I was very shy and nervous about going to boarding school. It took me a while to make friends but I did and they are some of my closest friends today 12 years after leaving school. Those people that stare are just trying to find a way to talk to you. So go up to them and talk to them. It takes courage I know. ive been there. Trust me it is worth it! You'll end up with amazing friends. Once I found the courage to walk up to people and talk to them I eventually found the right group of friends for me. It was a case of third time was the charm. Remember that they are bound by the group dynamic (sorry about my spelling) but this means that they are more afraid of you than you are of them. I've been there. It's hard but it's worth it. I got to know @notheadboymaterial by pairing off with him for a music class. I'm so glad I did. It took so much courage for me to do that. <br />
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I've also known people that used to cut themselves. They went to both boarding and day schools. What they have in common is they all ended up attending counsellors to deal with their cutting problem. You might realise this but people will have already realised that you are cutting yourself but are unsure how to approach you about it as cutters usually deny it and hide it. But trust me, people know so talk to them about it or as @notheadboymaterial said you can always talk to the people on here. Been there and seen it all. Don't give up, never give up, ever!

First thing first, tell your parents about cutting yourself. It won't solve anything. It will just give you a permement reminder of an unhappy time in your life. If you don't deal with this now then it will be much harder to deal with in later life. Believe it or not your parents do love you and wouldn't want you to be unhappy. And I'm sorry but screw your scholarship! Your health and happiness comes first. ALWAYS! Never forget that! You are so much more than a piece a paper saying you can attend a school. School ends but life goes on.<br />
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In regards to school, to make things easier and start making friends, walk up to someone and say hello my name is.... or pair off with someone for assignments. Use those pitying stares your advance and walk to up to those people. They are looking at you because they want to talk to you but can't figure out how. I know it takes a lot to walk up to a group of people but just do it and use the magic words, hello, my name is.... maybe they will say nothing, maybe they will laugh but then single one out by saying "what is your name?" You have then broken down the power of the group by singling out one individual putting them in the spotlight. It takes courage. It's not something I've had to do but I've seen my friends do it. they assure me that it's worth it. Go for it. Do not give up. Never give up on yourself. <br />
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Anyway you have the people on here. We might be strangers but we all have been there and done that. We know what you are going through. Stay strong.

Read my book ba<x>sed on my experiences. "Boarding School Secrets" at www.booksbyememgenesis.com or on amazon, barnes and noble. This is a story about Hanny Bieler is a beautiful girl from a wealthy family in Hampstead, West London. When Hanny was six years old, her parents sent her to the exclusive Cambridge Preparatory & Secondary Boarding School where kids from wealthy families attend. She lived in the Dormitory and received outstanding education at Cambridge for close to ten years.<br />
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She experienced ups and downs of being trained in a boarding school away from the normalcy of family life and she was nearly broken. Although, Boarders were supposed to be all prim and proper and well disciplined, Hanny knew this was far from the truth.<br />
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Boarding School Secrets will enlighten the Reader about life behind closed doors at the exclusive Cambridge Preparatory & Secondary School in Cambridge, United Kingdom.

I was one of the shyest people in middle school and freaking hated it. I saw pictures on facebook of the "popular" girls with all of their friends at partys..enjoying their time. Then I saw myself, sitting alone always..thinking of nothing but that this is just the way it's meant to be-I wasn't loud, funny, or lucky like they were. Plus, I was new too.<br />
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Then something really..showed to me. I'm WAITING for friends to come to me, drowning in self-pitty over some silly self-confidence issue. I learned that when you're waiting for someone to find you..you're actually the person who needs to be looking. And trust me-I don't do any very outgoing things like dance or theater, I'm a quiet artist, so this was hard for me. <br />
<br />
I just made that decision, to be happier..to not give a **** about what others were thinking and to just go out because it made me happy..I wasn't going to let them hold me back. So, now I have many, many friends..I love all of them and that's truly because I was myself. If I wasn't-then I'd have the WRONG friends for me. That's why..just be yourself (as frustrating as that statement is, it's simply doing what makes you happy. Understanding yourself and understanding others is the first step). <br />
<br />
<3 really-I hope you have a great time. There ARE people who'll be your friend. I always make it one of my top priorities now to try to invite someone who's shyer or new to the school to join my group in projects or go out on the weekends.

I was one of the shyest people in middle school and freaking hated it. I saw pictures on facebook of the "popular" girls with all of their friends at partys..enjoying their time. Then I saw myself, sitting alone always..thinking of nothing but that this is just the way it's meant to be-I wasn't loud, funny, or lucky like they were. Plus, I was new too.<br />
<br />
Then something really..showed to me. I'm WAITING for friends to come to me, drowning in self-pitty over some silly self-confidence issue. I learned that when you're waiting for someone to find you..you're actually the person who needs to be looking. And trust me-I don't do any very outgoing things like dance or theater, I'm a quiet artist, so this was hard for me. <br />
<br />
I just made that decision, to be happier..to not give a **** about what others were thinking and to just go out because it made me happy..I wasn't going to let them hold me back. So, now I have many, many friends..I love all of them and that's truly because I was myself. If I wasn't-then I'd have the WRONG friends for me. That's why..just be yourself (as frustrating as that statement is, it's simply doing what makes you happy. Understanding yourself and understanding others is the first step). <br />
<br />
<3 really-I hope you have a great time. There ARE people who'll be your friend. I always make it one of my top priorities now to try to invite someone who's shyer or new to the school to join my group in projects or go out on the weekends.

I was one of the shyest people in middle school and freaking hated it. I saw pictures on facebook of the "popular" girls with all of their friends at partys..enjoying their time. Then I saw myself, sitting alone always..thinking of nothing but that this is just the way it's meant to be-I wasn't loud, funny, or lucky like they were. Plus, I was new too.<br />
<br />
Then something really..showed to me. I'm WAITING for friends to come to me, drowning in self-pitty over some silly self-confidence issue. I learned that when you're waiting for someone to find you..you're actually the person who needs to be looking. And trust me-I don't do any very outgoing things like dance or theater, I'm a quiet artist, so this was hard for me. <br />
<br />
I just made that decision, to be happier..to not give a **** about what others were thinking and to just go out because it made me happy..I wasn't going to let them hold me back. So, now I have many, many friends..I love all of them and that's truly because I was myself. If I wasn't-then I'd have the WRONG friends for me. That's why..just be yourself (as frustrating as that statement is, it's simply doing what makes you happy. Understanding yourself and understanding others is the first step). <br />
<br />
<3 really-I hope you have a great time. There ARE people who'll be your friend. I always make it one of my top priorities now to try to invite someone who's shyer or new to the school to join my group in projects or go out on the weekends.

Hello, I'm the same age as you. I went to a boarding school when I was ten. I had a lot of fun, although I had the same experience as you at first, just remember to try and make conversations with your classmates/ room mates, Be open and try to invite a few of them to your room. Talk about yourself and ask them about themselves to. I;m pretty sure things will get better just hold on strong and keep up your grades. P.S I really think you should tell someone about this if it keeps on bothering you, calling your parent will be a good idea. I hope i helped.:)

I have boarded for 5 years, but in Europe. Stay strong x

That last note you left us with was very profound and I will take it to heart.<br />
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Remember whenever you want to cut, that even though you may feel terrible now, that later in your life (but not much later), you will have so many doors open to you because of your intellect, maturity and determination. Trust me, it will make you stand out.<br />
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and keep holding on