Best Thing I Ever Did: Long Term TreatmentI was a part-time crack addict years back. Was able to hold down a job, 'cause I was a weekend warrior. But, like clock work, once a month, I'd have these cravings that were so overwhelming--it was like God was ordering me to go get some crack! I would become temporarily insane with cravings that would trick me into thinking smoking crack was not only the right solution but the only solution. I heard one person say the only way to get away from crack was to remove yourself completely from your environment. Essentially, find a place where you can't get crack. Since I lived in LA, I knew I'd always be able to get it and I'd never be able to stop, never. So I took this person's advice and took a job in Japan! This was back in the nineties and Japan had no crack. After two years I was able to return to LA, and never worried once that I might do crack. All those obscene cravings I had experienced were replaced by wretched memories of throwing up black vomit, or going to work in a business suit yet with burnt blistered fingertips. (Try and explain that to co-workers. "Uh yeah, I burnt my hands on the stove," you can use that lame excuse once, but after that?)
It positively amazed me that in my addiction, inexplicalby, no matter how bad the memory of the last time I had temporarily destroyed my life with crack was, I couldn't seem to summon those memories sufficiently enought to override insurmountable cravings. I'd try, really try to stave off the cravings by playing the tape back all the way back, but it was no use, the memories were too faint, inconsequential, never strong enough to win the war.
Twenty years later I became an alcoholic. I went to many hospitals, I tried to kill myself countless times, I went to rehab three times, and still, I couldn't stop drinking. Finally, the shrink in a mental hospital told me they would not admit me again until I promised I would not go to anymore 28 day rehabs, and instead, go to long term treatment. I balked alright. But I went. I wanted to die anyway, my life was filled with nothing but seemingly endless despair, I had given up, and was sure I'd never lick this ***** alcohol, so what did I have to lose? So I went to longterm treatment and it collossaly sucked, but the best thing was this: Just like crack, the cravings became weaker, and were finally replaced with horrific memories instead. Like on that outrageously hot summer day where I threw up all over my steering wheel while driving on the freeway, the sticky noxious vommit reminiscent of zombie slime plastered all over my hands..yuk! But I would never have been able to get past cravings if I hadn't given myself enough time and distance from alcohol to allow cravings subside. Really. If you can't quit on your own, can't do AA, and feel you'll never be able to stop because your drug is just too accessible, give yourself a chance, go to long term rehab. It's better than jail. And ya know some people say the only way they were able to get clean was jail--they were incarcerated long enough for the cravings volume to be turned down, then finally shut off. When the obsession disappears, your chance at a life will appear. And if you are like me, you will say no no no, I ain't goin to no ****** long *** treatment, I gots things ta do! Well, if your addiction gets so out of control, you will never be able to get stuff done, period, and you will have wasted more time than you could conceivably imagine. When all else fails, really take care and check yourself in. It will save your life. peace.
mariaweeks 46-50, F 1 Response 2 Mar 18, 2012