Best Thing I Ever Did: Long Term Treatment

 I was a part-time crack addict years back.  Was able to hold down a job, 'cause I was a weekend warrior.  But, like clock work, once a month, I'd have these cravings that were so overwhelming--it was like God was ordering me to go get some crack!  I would become temporarily insane with cravings that would trick me into thinking smoking crack was not only the right solution but the only solution.  I heard one person say the only way to get away from crack was to remove yourself completely from your environment.  Essentially, find a place where you can't get crack.  Since I lived in LA, I knew I'd always be able to get it and I'd never be able to stop, never.  So I took this person's advice and took a job in Japan!  This was back in the nineties and Japan had no crack.  After two years I was able to return to LA, and never worried once that I might do crack.  All those obscene cravings I had experienced were replaced by wretched memories of throwing up black vomit, or going to work in a business suit yet with burnt blistered fingertips.  (Try and explain that to co-workers.  "Uh yeah, I burnt my hands on the stove," you can use that lame excuse once, but after that?) 

It positively amazed me that in my addiction, inexplicalby, no matter how bad the memory of the last time I had temporarily destroyed my life with crack was,  I couldn't seem to  summon those memories sufficiently enought to override insurmountable cravings.  I'd try, really try to stave off the cravings by playing the tape back all the way back, but it was no use, the memories were too faint, inconsequential, never strong enough to win the war.

Twenty years later I became an alcoholic.  I went to many hospitals, I tried to kill myself countless times, I went to rehab three times, and still, I couldn't stop drinking.  Finally, the shrink in a mental hospital told me they would not admit me again until I promised I would not go to anymore 28 day rehabs, and instead, go to long term treatment.  I balked alright.  But I went.  I wanted to die anyway, my life was filled with nothing but seemingly endless despair, I had given up, and was sure I'd never lick this ***** alcohol, so what did I have to lose?  So I went to longterm treatment and it collossaly sucked, but the best thing was this:  Just like crack,  the cravings became weaker, and were finally  replaced with horrific memories instead.  Like on that outrageously hot summer day where I threw up all over my steering wheel while driving on the freeway, the sticky noxious vommit reminiscent of zombie slime plastered all over my hands..yuk!   But I would never have been able to get past  cravings if I hadn't given myself enough time and distance from alcohol to allow cravings subside.  Really.  If you can't quit on your own, can't do AA, and feel you'll never be able to stop because your drug is just too accessible, give yourself a chance, go to long term rehab.  It's better than jail.  And ya know some people say the only way they were able to get clean was jail--they were incarcerated long enough for the cravings volume to be turned down, then finally shut off.  When the obsession disappears, your chance at a life will appear.  And if you are like me, you will say no no no, I ain't goin to no ****** long *** treatment, I gots things ta do!  Well, if your addiction gets so out of control, you will never be able to get stuff done, period, and you will have wasted more time than you could conceivably imagine.  When all else fails, really take care and check yourself in.  It will save your life. peace.
mariaweeks mariaweeks
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 18, 2012

Hey there, I'm about to go to Rehab, in 2 days! I am **** scared, really am! I know I need to go, I have been flipping from tablets to alcohol, to smack ,crack, meth. The methadone is the pits. Been on it so long now!! Can't wait to be free of it! Sick and tired of being sick and tired! Wish my family was more supportive, but they only think of themselves, not that I need this!! Honestly get more support on here! LOL, Well ,well done you, all the best for future Cath

Hey Cath! Good on you. I know family can be just awful when it comes to this sort of thing. But you sound like the consumate addict...and you will never get better until you just stop...some people can resume recreational drug use, but only because they were not severely addicted. but you sound like you are already there, else you wouldn't be switching to this and that drug of choice. rehab really will buy yourself some time to see what life is like without drugs. and you will probably like it. just remember it is going to take some time for you brain to balance and heal itself. this is the main reason why people in the beginning of early sobriety can seem really ******, but it's mainly because the brain is in a state of massive withdrawal leading to depression and anxiety, and causing people to think
: i was never this miserable on drugs, sobriety is worse, and then they relapse. so just remember it is only temporary and it
will get better, and we are here to support you. write me anytime. good luck comrade!