When Sorry Just Isn't Enough

HI. MY NAME IS ACHIE. IT'S BEEN MANY YRS SINCE I DEEPLY HURT THE ONE I'VE EVER LOVED THE MOST. BEING SORRY DOESN'T UNDO WHAT HAS BEEN DONE. EVERY DAY THE GUILT & SHAME STAYS WITH ME, AS DOES MY LOVE FOR HER. SHE'S MOVED ON & NOW HAS A FAMILY OF HER OWN. I SEE HER ON FACEBOOK, HOLDING HER PRECIOUS DAUGHTER IN HER ARMS, WHILE HER FACE IS LIT UP WITH A SMILE, A MOTHER'S LOVING SMILE OF JOY. I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE HER BEING ABLE TO LAUGH AGAIN. I CAN'T HELP BUT TO REMEMBER WHEN I HAD DESTROYED THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE & FILLED HER HEART WITH ANGER & BITTERNESS. HOW I WISH SHE KNEW HOW I REGRET THE THINGS I'VE DONE. THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER & HAVE NEVER STOPPED LOVING HER. I WISH I COULD GO BACK & MAKE THINGS RIGHT. I MISS HER LOVE & HER WARM TENDER HEART, HER SMILE & THE TIMES WE SHARED. HOW I WISH THINGS DIDN'T END AS THEY DID. SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. I WISH I HAD TOLD HER YRS AGO OF HOW TRULY SORRY I AM, EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD NOT HAVE CHANGE THE THINGS I'D DONE.
  AS I WAS LAYING HERE TONIGHT I BEGAN THINKING AGAIN OF JUST ENDING IT ALL. NO MORE PAIN & GUILT. TOYING WITH THE THOUGHT IS ... IS EXCITING IN A WAY, BUT THEN I'LD WANT TO TIE UP LOOSE ENDS. I LOVE THE IDEA OF GOING HOME. AS TO IF I FEEL LIKE DONIG IT, THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN. DEPENDS WHAT'S INSTORE FOR THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE.
  I WROTE THIS JUST TO VENT. I'M BEING EATEN UP WITH GUILT THAT I JUST HAVE TO LET THINGS OUT. I HOPE NO ONE READING THIS WILL EVER HURT THE ONE THEY LOVE, AT THE POINT OF DESTROYING WHO THEY ONCE WERE. I'VE DONE THINGS THAT I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYONE. THINGS I'LL LIVE TO REGRET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SORRY I AM & HOW BAD I FEEL INSIDE. WHAT HAS BEEN DONE HAS BEEN DONE. THERE'S NO CHANGING IT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISH I COULD.
  I'M GLAD SHE HAS FOUND SOMEONE TO LOVE. I PRAY THINGS WORK OUT BETWEEN THEM, NOW THAT THEY SHARE A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER TOGETHER. OF COURSE, SHE TAKES HER LOOKS FROM HER MOTHER. IT IS SO REFRESHING TO SEE A SMILE ON HER FACE. TO KNOW I DID NOT COMPLETELY DESTROY HER LIFE. I WISH HER A LIFETIME OF HAPPINESS, LOVE, PEACE & HARMONY.
  I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU EBONY. 
LITTLEBOYINSIDE LITTLEBOYINSIDE
41-45, M
8 Responses May 8, 2012

What happened? What did u do?

SORRY, BUT I CAN'T SAY. IT'S TOO PERSONAL & OTHERS WOULD JUDGE ME HARSHLY IF THEY KNEW.

Sorry I asked. (I type before thinking sometimes)

IT'S OK.

Learn to let go. Don't let it eat you up from the inside.

Impressive , but your really a great person even if you did horrible to her but u still blame yourself and you wishes her to be happy even if it is not with you, your story is one of greatest n touching stories I have ever read. Cheer up n move forward.

THANK YOU

I think that letting someone go is sometimes the greatest act of love there could ever be. She taught you what happiness is and what it feels like to love somebody. Nobody can take that away from you. Rest assured that whatever you shared at one time was real and she will remember it too. Now you need to let her go. It may be painful but if you truly love her you need to let her go and allow yourself to find happiness again too.

I'm don't know what you did but admitting to it is good thing and being able to admit that you are able to say that she is happy with her new family and wish her a a lifetime of all the things you said is even a better step

thanks. i am sorry & i'm glad things seem to be going very good for her. thing is, i still love her & miss her. but, i'm happy for her.

HI. IT ISN'T SO EASY FOR ME. IT'S BEEN SINCE NOV. OF '99. I REMOVED HER PICTURES FROM THE WALLS. THEN EVENTUALLY GOT RID OF THEM, ALONG WITH ALL THE LETTERS, BUT REMOVING HER FROM MY HEART & MIND IS SOMETHING I CAN'T SEEM TO DO, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I'VE TRIED. I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO PICK UP THE PIECES.

I HAVE PRAYED ABOUT THAT FOR YRS. I EVEN WENT ON MANY DATING SITES, BUT NOTHING PANNED OUT. I GOT TIRED OF THE FAKES. MANY SIMPLY WANTING MONEY. I FEEL AS THOUGH I SIMPLY EXIST. LIKE A LOST BROKEN DOWN SOUL.

this really super touch my heart.. it the girl only knew about this.. wish my past bf loves me this much..

1 More Response

We all have done things that we cannot undo. Your words were touching and moving, it is wonderful that you are able to see the pain and sorrow that you brought her. That is an amazing thing! You may never get to tell her in person however, you have put an apology out in the universe. I hope that you are able to make peace with yourself and begin to forgive yourself.

i agree with you @opadams

THANK YOU

God, you made me weep. Pls be strong no matter what you did. As you said you can't undo it. Just look into the future step forward. We all have things we regret and we can't take it back. Don't be hard on your self. Please try to let go of it positively. I'm not saying it's easy to let go but gradually you will. Big big hugs.

your story is so touching!<br />
it almost brought tears to my eyes :(

HI. I JUST READ YOUR RESPONSE. I HADN'T BEEN ON HERE FOR QUITE SOME TIME. THE DEPRESSION HAS BEEN OVERWHELMING AT TIMES. ANYWAY, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR HAVING LEFT A MESSAGE. ALTHOUGH, IF YOU KNEW THE WHOLE STORY, YOU MIGHT FEEL DIFFERENTLY. IT REALLY HURTS A LOT WHEN YOU HURT SOMEONE YOU LOVE. TAKE CARE. MUCH BLESSINGS.

I can somehow relate... I know the feeling of how it is to be loved and yet not returning the love and kindness... I know the feeling of being eaten up by my guilt... I always have the feeling... If i can just turn back the hands of time... But my consolation is the saying that goes, everything happens for a reason... Everyday, i just try to keep moving on for those people still relying on me... Just try to wake up everyday with this purpose... That there are still people who needs you and loves you... Tkare and God bless...

very well said @chaiteea