Why Cant I Leave Those Who Are A Threat Towards Me?

First off...
I am 20 years old, I have actually always been insecure and unsure of who I am and what I am capable of doing. I got married when I was 16 years old, and still married. I met my husband when I was 15, he is 9 years older then me.
I've got to admit I was pretending to be somebody I was not when we met.
The reason why I wanted to marry was because I was feeling lonely and unwanted at home and I wanted some comfort and attention...Of course I found it.Over the years it has been hell. I have done things for this guy I now cant even explain why, and allowed him to get under my skin plenty of times. I left him so many times but always ended up back with him. I'm not happy.I Could grab my bags and run to my mom's but all he's going to do is come look for me and when he does I am not sure what he would do, but i do know what he is capable of. I can't afford a lawyer or divorce papers at that.
What must i do?

ACindy ACindy
18-21, F
Dec 4, 2012