RUNAWAY HUSBAND

WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS  I AM 30 YEARS OLD . WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN. WHEN WE AREN'T HAVING ANY PROBLEMS MY HUSBAND IS HAPPY. AS SOON AS AN ARGUEMENT STARTS OR A PROBLEM ARRIVES HE SHUTS COMPLETELY DOWN. I AM A VERBAL PERSON SO I BELIEVE THINGS SHOULD BE DISCUSSED AND POSSIBLY SOLVED OR THAT SAME PROBLEM WILL SHOW ITS UGLY FACE AGAIN. I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS PROBLEM FOR QUITE SOME TIME AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. HE NEEDS TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY CONCERNS I'M SICK OF HAVING TO SWEEP MY FEELINGS UNDER A RUG AS A RESULT MY HEART SEEMS BROKEN.BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I FIND AMAZINGLY FUNNY  IS THAT WHEN I HAVE HAD ENOUGH  AND I AM READY TO WALK OUT OF THE DOOR HE IS READY TO DO SO MUCH BETTER . IS THERE ANYONE ELSE FEELING OR EVEN GOING THRU WITH WHAT I AM GOING THRU WITH. TALK TO ME

toni toni
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 6, 2007

I am pregnant with twins on the way. This will be the fifth child. The first three are to another father. I am 38 and my youngest is 11. I have built a house, worked, raised my children single handed, brought a new car, and grown and survived. I am Aboriginal to Australia, and so is my partner. We have our issues, post traumatic generational issues. I functioned before my new partner come along, hobbies, friends, and felt like I was functioning. NOW....I am pregnant, I am scared as my partner indicates he wants this but I do not see him walking his talk. I am ambiguous now weather I am going to be raising our children single AGAIN. The twins will be a blessing, I love my partner, but got to break the cycle where he blames me for when he gets anxious, post traumatic, runs away, now he is starting to drink, he was an alcoholic, now he blames me for this too, that when he runs he drinks he even gambles too. He says he does not have a problem, what makes it worse is that he is a counsellor, he says it is me. I am acting co dependant I think cause I am scared of loosing him to this. At the same time, I know it is dragging me down, and I am getting help with my emotions and dealing, I had a hyperactive thyroid, but it is better, I have hormones, but my story is true, I am hurting about my truth, and his story is different, and he is hurting about his truth. We are drifting away. I can not just vlive with his own compromise, I need a opportunity for him to understand me too, and I need for him to stop the blame game, he advises me to seek out side help, which I am, and now pills, he recons I need, cause I cry about this situation. Please some intelligent enlightened soul, give me some advise, what to do, because I got a suspicion that it is time for me to let him go, go through the pain, raise these children my self, so he can learn to confront his issues. I can not stay and be miserable, and told it is me, my fault, then get punished for this belief of his that is just not my truth. What keeps me from letting this man go, I nstruggle with his authority, it is not equal.

For One, Men don't like to argue it is very common for a man to shut down during an arugment. Women are the "fixers" in the marriage to keep the peace in the marriage. This has worked in our marriage it's called Love and Respect. Reguardless Men NEED to be RESPECTED and Women NEED to be LOVED. ( it's vital without them) Our marriage has been healthy and happy ever since. <br />
Women love to talk. Women are communicators. It's just in us. The more men talk with us ( by gioving us our need) the more we respond to their needs. <br />
So don't be surprised if your spouse doesn't want to talk it's not one of his needs. But just as you should meet his needs he too should meet yours. Fill up each other's Love tank and always know you two are different not weird or stupid......DIFFERENT!<br />
My advice is to approach your husband in a respectful way rather than a yelling, screaming way. Suggest to your husband to show you in loving ways that bother him and you are to show your husband in respectful ways that bother you.<br />
It doesn't matter how disrespectful or unloving he or you are to him, it's your response that is your responsibilty. IF you need futher advice on how to stop your crazy cycle you can get a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Good luck!

Have you tried reading up on male-female communication? It is unlikely that he *wants* to cause you this much pain, it is much more likely that you two have very incompatible communication styles. But if you both love each other, then I'm sure you can come to a compromise that works and makes your life a lot better! There are many books on the subject matter, and communication style differences are the sort of things that marriage counselling can resolve. By the way, I personally find that using ALL CAPS in stories is VERY offputting and makes the poster come across as less intelligent than they really are. Just a thought. :)