Finally Acceptance???

I have spent the last few months fighting this. I have spent months denying it. I've been mad at you, mad at myself. I've been bitter and moody. I truly believed that I would get over you. But I can't.

I love you. I loved you then and I still loved you when I saw you tonight. I loved you as I waved to you from across the room and left because it felt like my heart would burst. You can stomp on my heart and rip it to shreds because it's yours anyway isn't it.... I love you as I sit here crying in my room, knowing that I am nothing to you, but you are everything to me.

I love you. But I also know that doesn't mean that you will ever love me back. And I now know why the past few months have been so hard on me. I've been fighting a cold hard fact that I cannot change. I love you and I always will.

Every man I meet will be compared to you. Every kiss will be measured against yours. Because you are the one my heart yearns for depite what my mind says. Don't get me wrong. There's every chance that I'll fall in love again. I'm sure I have the capacity to love someone else. It's just that I finally realised that no-one can ever replace you. And I don't want anyone to.

I was wrong. I can't not love you. That's too difficult. So instead, I will love you from a distance. And I wish you nothing but the best.


annathom annathom
26-30, F
15 Responses Feb 20, 2008

It's amazing to see so many girls feeling this is a strange part of life.....we love in many ways and find many ways to love and all love is diferent from the other, but true love is something else and I think thats what you found in yourself....accepting your true love for another person even though you might not get it back but you will always feel this for him no matter what he does it wouldn't change the fact or the height of your love for him sometimes it just makes it stronger......Yes you will compare every other guy to him because you simply found someone in your life that you share such a deep bond with that even someone who would look better and is better would never compare to him in your eyes he will still look the best to you and thats just how true loves love unconditionally, when you find this sort of love you will never find anything better in life then the feeling of loving someone so much that they happiness and well being matters more to you than your own.....that i feel makes our souls reach the best part of ourself and shine so bright which means you opened a new level of you which you can only reach if you allow yourself to love with every cell in your body even if you know you will get hurt, because thats life....getting hurt and doing it all again because without the hurt you will never learn and if you don't learn you don't appreciate which is why when you continue to love like that eventually you will find that ultimate love when you get it back and it will be bloody sublime and i guess that's what they mean by walking on cloud nine :-). Yeah I am also in this situation and this is my views or take on it....just feel the is not defined by anything...every person loves differently and doesn't mean one persons love is better than the other it just means we all love differently but find similarities to it so we can relate :-). Keep the faith and trust that whoever is meant for you, you will find him wherever you may be you will meet him...don't you worry just be patient and keep the love and all will be well :-).

You and I are in precisely the same boat.
They don't deserve us, you know. It's always that way, though, isn't it?
isok; I hold out faith and trust that it's got to get better; easier to manage, at least. I hope this gets easier for you and you have my complete sympathy. *hugs*.

I can relate...I don't think I'll ever be over feeling this way about my exbf. He's so much that I've always dreamed of, but he's not my everything because he can't see and appreciate me so because I love myself I will move on. It's not worth ttrying to be the person he wants instead of being the star that I are......bad grammar but it rhymes. We deserve better, but we'll never forget them.

..It's like you're slow dancing in a burning room....:(( Your story touches my heart deeply coz i'm going thru the same thing with the love of my life. I think the problem is that you gave him too much power over you. you made it so that you had to climb a thousand mountains to get to him and allhe had to do to get to you was smile... fighting your mind against your own heart has got to be one of the most gut wrenching battles ever, most often than not, the mind is always right, but the heart is forgiving and even thru all the obliteration it faces, it still longs for the one it wants. i'm so happy for you,i wish i was at the point you're at right now, i still haven't accepted that he's gone... life is funny though, someday he'll think of you and he'll want to find you, but if it's not meant to be, you'll be happier with someone else. it's true that you'll never replace him, coz no one can, but the one thing you might want to consider is not to compare anyone else to him coz you might miss out on alot... there's someone out there who'll make you laugh with your whole heart and for that moment it'll be all about you and him and your new found love..:D

Amazing...that they are. Great lyrics in "If I Fell." <br />
"If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start that you will love me more than her." Wow!! So simple and applicable to us all.

that's why i love the song... i dont want to let myself fall again until I know my heart will be safe with that person.<br />
<br />
the beatles are amazing

My favorite band, singers in the world! "If I Fell"is a song about a guy who wants to make sure that this time his love is secure.<br />
Yep, "I want you so bad it's driving memad...." describes it all. Thesr are so many great songs!

Funny that you mention the beatles... listening to them right now. they really do have a song for everything. In my life is stunning<br />
<br />
I'm stuck on "if I fell" at the moment... my song for the future... exactly describes my worries<br />
<br />
And you were there when I was in my "I want you" phase.<br />
<br />
and I dont think anyone will ever compare to them. but i guess its not about finding replacements. More about finding new ways to be happy, and to love and be loved

I understand it when you mentioned that no one will ever replace this special person of yours. I feel the same about Mayumi. I often think about the Beatles song "In My Life." Part of it goes..."But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you..."<br />
"In my life, I love you more." Great lyrics that really have meaning.

Oh, Anna, I don't know what I'll do without her!

I hope acceptance comes to you soon. I want you to be happy. As for me, it'll take some time to accept the fact that I will live my life without her.

You know what, ever since I admitted the truth I actually feel a bit better. Its hard to be without him yes, but it was harder to constantly fight with myself.<br />
<br />
Maybe its true that with acceptance comes peace. Wait and see I suppose

I hope you feel better as everyday passes. You don't deserve to suffer so much. :)

I just realised, I was making myself miserable by fighting it and trying to force myself to get over it. <br />
<br />
But just because I still love him, doesnt mean I get to be with him and I'm really starting to be ok with that. <br />
<br />
This might sound narcissistic but he's the one losing out, because he let go of someone who truly loves him and has his best interests at heart.

Beautifully said. This is how I feel about someone who is special to me.You love someone unconditionally and there is nothing greater than that. Bless you