Will Love U Forever, Will Be Faithfull To U Despite Of Anything

I will always love u depsite logic , not because I must bit because I cant love anyone but u…u are that only man I am able to  love, only u. u are the man of my life. I was almost all life along and waited u…u didn’t come, if I met u before years go my life could be other,,,I would not have seen dust of life, I would not have been insulted so  much and had pain, I would not be so dissopointed in life and people , I would not be so nervous and stressed, but I met wrong moment
I was stressed by life, lie, dissopointments and pain, loneliness, wrong people, and when I met u I was in darkness with no hope, but u showed me light, smile, tghat I can be happy..i was happy but not completely…it was hard period…serious problems with work and health, I know that in my body is something seriously wrong and not all problems are diagnosed,,,,and pain doesn’t disappear and strange sympthoms too,,,but no one can help…time pass and what I wait..when they say me its too late and we cant do much..what those doctors tell…we don’t know wait……and I know I am very sick and feel different strange pain,….no one helps
How u would live in such a fear….i was extremely afraid all time and I needed support. I needed to know that u suffer for me and that u are afraid for my life,.u know why we had fights and why I didn’t reply often to u sms or letter, because u seemed not to suffer for me not to be afraid for me, u could forget to ask for tests, how I feel, u could speak on not important issues when I thought the most important is my health because if I die or terribly ill  everything will end. It made me very sad and angry and I asked many times to be more attentive to my problems…u didn’t
U were kind and tried best for me always- that is true but u didn’t support me…u spoke much for love but u never had a fear that I will die or  will be sick with no hope,,u didn’t suffer when I had pain
It made me crazy and more stressed. U didn’t have any problems with work or health and were  concentrated only on ur emotions and feelings while I had real serious problems and had to fight alone.
I went alone to doctors and tests, I learned alone results, u sometimes even forgot to ask…
Yes later I realized that u aren’t angel and u never used to having such serious problems for such long period, that u want happiness and joy but not problems
Yes I was nervous and stressed but I thought if u loved me really as u said u will understand why I am so…u will have patience and understand that it is the result of my situation, the result of my problems
I never had a thought to leave u,,,I was angry and sad with u but never I even thought to leave u NEVER
We could argue , I could not reply u, but always I loved u and was sure u are the best man for me
Sometimes I behaved wrong, I sad that u didn’t understand me or that u are lazy or that I would like u be more strong, but  ok u are really lazy and what..its not the worst sin, yes u are healthy and hadn’t such serious problems how u can understand me if we are in different sides of river
Healthy person cant understand sick one, spesialy man. Men hate problems, men avoid them, they can be with u when u are in darkness….they want happiness and joy
I though if u loved me as u said u must worry for me, mine life must be your priority, what love will be if I die or will be in hospital with no hope….everything will be ruined
I couldn’t concentrated only on feelings when I had such hard period in life,, I thought u would understand me, I thought love, deep true love is more than just bad words, stress, mistakes, fights, ambitions. How can true love be if 2 persons didn’t suffer together and didn’t pass through hard times together, true love cant pass only smooth. Its and ups and downs, fails, mistakes, laugh and tears, problems and joy, everything, nothing can break love!i was and sad and angry but never had athought we can break! I accepted u as u are,,and lazy and others,,,,,but remember and how many good words I told u- u easy forgot good things, I told u millions of good things along with not nice. Inside me I appreciated u always, and I told u how I appreciate what u did for me. U took me from dark cave, u showed me light and hope, u was responsible for what u said, I was honest. U were the only I could trust to. U tried best for me
Yes maybe other men would leave me much earlier than u….u had more patience but I believed u love so much that u never leave me even though we had problems. U promised me that u never will betray me and  never will leave me first. U told me u cant do that
I realized that I had to keep inside me some of my problems, not stress u so much, u could not help so I had co cope alone with them. I overstressed u with it…u lost patience,,,u aren’t angel u are just a man who wants joy, happiness, sex, laugh, not tears and problems
But I though love is a different thing,,,,,,,,,,its something deeper and above that all…
I made several mistakes and admit them and I asked u forgivness. I was wrong….i begged u, I am sure we could be happy, just I needed a hit on my head to realize my mistakes and that I can loose u if I don’t   try to change my behavior. I could do that!!
When I didn’t reply u it was because I didn’t want have a fight or be sad and angry because u don’t support me, I was terrible sacred with new test results and had pain and I was afraid I will be angry again and stess u and I wanted to be alone to think over my life and pass through it alone. I wanted as better
Yes I didn’t write u..but u even didn’t ask me why…u used that often I do that, didn’t reply for one day. but I didn’t reply 2 weeks…may be something happened to me.,.u didn’t ask, I cried and cried but I knew we will be together only if my health would not led me down
And what….just 3 weeks ago u promised to come, less that a month ago u said how u love me and that u are afraid to loose me and  that despite our fights we will marry….
How could ur love disappear for 3 weeks! It cant be so….is it love that dies so fast and easy..? if it was dyeing  slowly long ago why didn’t u talk to me seriously….why instead u continued to tell me things that u didn’t feel, promise things in which u wasn’t sure, speak about love if u didn’t love if u were disappointed in me…why,,,,how u could be not responsible for words and promises.,,,,u knew I always trusted u ….why u didn’t talk to me frankly..not just being sad but just sit down together and speak sincerely what we feel what makes us sad and feel bad and how we can improve….
Its it is true love people fight for it till the end..not just keep inside and then leave..yes I knew u feel bad and sad and I was.,…but  we were and before but remember how u told me- lets promise that we will marry even that we know that before it we will have fights again and be sad…and I believed u….i was sure that our love is strong!
Instead u decided to leave me…..i begged u, I asked to forgive me, I opened all my heart to u, I explained u things, I shared with u things that I didn’t tell anyone !! and u hated me, u was throwing in me the words of hate,, I never said such terrible things to u as u told me,u laughed at my feelings and my love, u turned upside down everything, u blamed me in everything even though I myself admitted all mistakes even those in which I am not really guilty..how u behaved…I never behaved in such terrible way
Would u say I made it specially because u wanted to kill all feeling inside u and u thought u will make me disappointed in u and start to hate u? I don’t know may be u reached ur goal and u really killed all your feelings to me in yourself but if u speak about me, ,no. I don’t hate u, I am not disappointed in u , no no…I look deeper,..i know u aren’t that monster as u wanted to be last months,, u sure did it specially, u could not change so much, u are not that ugly terrible cruel man!! U behaved so to kill and mine feelings to u..but u failed,,u didn’t kill..i still love u as before,,just u made me much more pain behaving so as u did..saying me that terrible things, lying me,  laughing at my feelings. U made more pain.,,,but didn’t kill love. My love is true and strong. I a faithfull to you
U lied me not only out last meeting…u lied me and after u left me….all these  «I will not come only if I die,,,I will come for sure,,, I hope u understand That and I love u , its not only hate….»  how easy to say anhd then take words back or just forget them……many months u made me beg u, cry, try to explain u why I made or didn’t make this or that, asking u to return, forgive….instead of saying immediately that u want to return to u first love ,,that u communicate and hope to be together….so easy u forgot me, u even didn’t suffer…u didn’t want to try to listen each other, meet and understand,,,we could make it.l.i could change, I know where I was wrong, u didn’t want understand me and forgive,,,,ur so called love died so fast and so fast u started to remember and dream of your first and only love,,u knew why u wrote her..yes u didn’t know what will happen  but in your head u had hope..that may be and she is alone and……..everything starts from thought..just though about some one , then goes next step…..but so fast…after only one and a half month when u promised me love……and looked and my eyes pretending u are crazy for me
Ok were mistakes of mine in behavior but what u said about past…u know what I mean (yes u never read that and anyway I told u many times these things) and jealousy for so called past which I almost didn’t have….its so  silly that I never will be able to understand it. How u could compare what we had with u and what I had with other..it is just funny with tears…with u I had everything in such short time…I lived with u more then I lived all my life…I had  more that I had through all my life…I ever experienced anything like what I had with u….how u can compare and turn upside down ….its really not true and its crazy
 
I wonder how easy u forgot  me..u forgot all good that we had., romantic, kind, sincere, touching…when we were happy…I asked u many times if u are happy and u said yes..i asked are u sure and u said yes..so u lied? I think no..u were and happy …just u easy forgot…u were and said but u remember now only bad…for all life u will remember bad,,I wonder if some day u will remember good things that I made for u, how we were happy or u killed it forever…how could u do that…..why…for all life u will live with that though that I made u sad…sadness is a part of love…..
I remember mostly good and I am grateful for that. I are my everything forever. i feel like I lost one half of my body…I cant live without u
I know u are happy , u returned to your past..to your first love, I am glad for u but I cant kill the feeling that u betrayed me…that u didn’t keep your word, that u betrayed me, promises,feelings without any serious reason and that so easy u left me and that u even never asked me to forgive u for that u ruined my life. For that u pretend u don’t understand what u have done and why I tell that, that u didn’t do anything bad, that even your behavior after u left me was so terrible (ok ay be u wanted for better that is why u were so cruel but u only made more pain but didn’t reach ur  goal)….for that I cant forgive…I cant be so happy for u..sure I wish u love but imagine if u were on y place…it were only words that if I left u for other man u would be happy for me…sure not. Even when I didn’t make anything bad to u, u blame me that u were sad, that i made u sad that I  wasn’t as u thought me to be, u are so angry that forgot everything good., I imagine what u would have said or how u behaved if I left u………..only words how happy u would have been for me..
I feel so  much pain, time passed(half a year) but doesn’t heal , only worse…I will not survive without u,,,I cant
Today is a year since we first met in reality,,.,u came to my place and I remember..it was also hot day but today is terrible heat..if not that heat I would have come to the airport to remember…it was busy day with some troubles with u but it was my happiest day in life when I saw that u are real that u are in my car…I remember u were shy,,u smiled, I was a bit nervous because of the troubles that happened to u, but anyway when i had u in my car I was soo happy, I tried not to show it to u. I remember how I was nervous the night before our meeting , till the last minute I didn’t believe that it is not night dream..that it is real, the day when we kissed first time and walked in the night……………I cry even more,.i remember every minute with u,,,,,,,,,could I think that it will end like that, sure not….it could be so different today…in winter I was sure we will be together  today, that special day in our lives..that day will always be in my heart till death.,..as well as all days with u, happy and sad,,,all days..i don’t want to miss a thing….i love u and always will..i will not disturb your life and family, but I will love u forever and will be faithfull to you, and it doesn’t matter if its silly or not, love is not about logic
noname22 noname22
31-35, F
6 Responses Jul 25, 2010

im sorry for your pain

thank u very much sarahnoor

i read all...nearly all....u re so sweet...n i feel sad for u ...i really do...hugzz...

thank u anyway

Okay I didt read all that to be honest. it is way too much. I believe in not apologizing for WHO I am and do not follow blindly as your title suggested. I wanted to relay that unblind dedication is unwise at best,,deadly quite possibly to. I didnt read the whole thing ,,so these are just my thoghts

"She perfumed my planet and lit up my life. I should never have run away! I ought to have realized the tenderness underlying her silly pretensions. Flowers are so contradictory! But I was too young to know how to love her."<br />
u didnt understand........