Why?

It seems that as of lately I can't help but to ask myself "what do I desire?", "where do I want to be?" I have constant thoughts about myself, my family, the world, after life, spirtuality, I guess just the bigger picture in general. I know that there is a much more meaningful reason why I'm here, why the grass is green, why the sky looks like a majestic painting and I can't help but to feel overwhelmed with curiosity and anxiousness. I need to find out why things are the way they are and thats where my anxiety comes in. We all have a certain frame on this earth which no ones knows when it begins, nor when it ends. But, we all know that we only have a certain amount of time. So why do we waste our time worrying about the little things, what were going to do on Friday night, how much money we have or owe. It's actually pathetic how much value we put on a dollar. Yeah money may buy you a luxurious lifestyle that will up your status quo and reputation, but what about life? I can honestly say I haven't lived the life I want or dreamed of, I have only been doing the things thats expected of me by society. It's almost as if society drapes an invisible coat over all of us, so that we follow the same paths and live the life it wants us to. So that we all mingle with eachother in a sense that this is how things are supposed to be, and if we fall off the guided path that we're supposed to get back on it. Where is the morality in that? Whatever happened to "making our own paths" or living our lives the way we wish to live them? We set up boundaries for ourselves tht we don't even notice because we're conforming to societys ways. Who is anyone to judge you, see if we fit the standards, or have the prerequisites to be considered "normal"? No one is normal, everyone has their flaws, perfections, abilities, inabilities. But thats what makes us all different. Being different is beautiful. If god wanted us all to be normal or the same he would have made us identical. But as we all know it, even identical twins dont have the same personalities, so why try to shape everyone into something or somone their not? Why do we as people think thats okay? It only diminishes individuality, leaving room for hatred and pain. We were put on this earth to not judge one another, but to see the good in everyone and everything. I believe that this life we were given was somewhat of a test to dictate how strong we as INDIVIDUALS are. We all have a purpose that's far deeper than we can process, but the reason why we cannot detect what it is, is because we get caught up in what we've been shown is important. Personally, I think finding out our purpose is the most important and once we do that ACT on it. Even though I'm only 19, I think im starting to find out my life purpose. I think it has alot to do with our childhood and the people we were raised around or by. I have sompassion towards people and I want to help them in every way that i humanly can. Showing everyone that we're all equal, despite what race, age, sex, culture, living conditions, past occurances. Once we reach the pearly white gates after our lives have passed, I think what really determines whether or not you enter them is who you really are deep down. Not the mistakes you made in your life, but rather the good you've brought to other peoples lives, and if you really took full advantage of the beauty that god has portrayed infront of us. God deals cards to everyone. This is called LIFE. Whether you accept the challenge or not determines your faith. He only deals you cardsin which he KNOWS you can handle and how you cope with them shows your strength.