Again And Again

I will tell myself this. I will be ok. I will be ok.

I have never ever in my life had these feelings before. Granted I am only 33. Ive only ever had three boyfriends. You were the last ten years of my life. And one of the stupidest things I feel is guilt and betrayal by letting you go. I feel guilty, like I am letting you down, hurting letting you go...even though you have made me....this...whatever I am....

You know how when a glass Christmas ornament shatters and it all but turns to dust...thats my heart words....

If it wasnt for my friends who keep me here on EP...and my squishy who holds me hostage on gmail....and kyle....poor door....and Bertie and her wonder pills....I would be completely insane

Im sorry James....Im so sorry....Im sorry you hurt me to the point I cant get over it...Im sorry I left you no choice...I just want you to be happy again...

I want to be happy too...I have to forgive you...I have to forgive me..

I will be ok...
I will be ok..
I will be ok.
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4 Responses Dec 10, 2012

You'll be just fine. I know it sucks but recognizing forgiveness is the key to your healing process :)

Every day is in fact a different day, but taking the history lessons learned from the previous day will help scoot you along ;)

*hugs you*

the sorrow of who we are makes life too bright. memories of who we used to be, like postcards sent through the years of our life, reminding us of better times. the dreams of who we want to be, mocks our best efforts like a cruel master to their hapless lackey. the distant light of love is the only way to know in what direction we should be going, so long as we keep on following.

Yes you will.