I have doubts as I make these changes in my life that I will ever be stronger because being strong means making better choices, never settling and always moving in a good positive direction.
My best friend divorced several years ago from a horrible marriage, then she gets knocked up at 33 and settles for some young punk, and is miserable all over again. Did she learn from her past. No she is in the same place she was in at 18. Maybe this guy is not abusive but she never found happieness, no love.
A male friend of mine such a sad person came from childhood abuse. Same thing settled in his life because he knew nothing else. We met and somehow we were therapy for each other. I thought he was making leaps and bounds out of the life he once had, just to find out today that he settled because he can not be alone.
There is me trying to move away from 16 years of loneliness, giving, taking care of a man that never once took care of me. I lost who I wanted to be. I wanted to be this person that made a difference, who people looked at and would think wow she really has it together and is making something. I am trying to remember the person I was even young. My dad always said I would become someone, I am strong, I will always be a force to reckon with, and I believed that till my parent divorced and I was stuck with a mother that forgot she had children. I lost my way and when I was finally making it and changed my life and left drugs I got pregnant. I settled. Now I want that person back, I want me, I want to find me and be strong again. Remember the goals I once had, make new ones and actually accomplish them. I want to say my past is my past and I will learn and move forward, and never again just settle. The track record of others though brings me down, makes me think maybe people never really grow and learn and never really become strong enough to move aways from the comfort zone they have lived in forever.
I will however keep telling myself i will be strong and I will make that difference.